Posted by: thinningtheherd | September 18, 2011

#116 Netflix

Species Name:  Digitalicus Assrapeus

I now know how Julius Caesar felt when Brutus stabbed him in the back.  Alright, maybe the Shakespearean analogy was a little much, but it doesn’t change the fact that I feel utterly betrayed by Netflix’s pricing plan increase.  And apparently I’m not the only one since the company’s stock has plummeted 10% over the last week.  Sell!  Sell!  Sell!

Before I digitally bitchslap Netflix for being King Douchebag of Ye Olde DVD-by-Mail Rental Services, I have to apologize that it’s been a while since I last wrote a post.  This is mostly due to the fact that I’ve been too depressed from all the hate mail you’ve been sending me.  No, not really.  In fact, I kind of grown to love all the scathing comments directed my way.  Apparently you’re reading the posts, so I’m doing something right.

Okay, now onto the matter at hand… Netflix.  So, a couple of months back, Netflix announced that it would be changing it’s pricing plans.  It would no longer be $8.99 for 1 DVD by mail, and unlimited streaming.  It was now going to be $8.99 for the 1 DVD by mail, and another $8.99 for the unlimited streaming content.  What the fuck?!  We’re not talking a 10, 20, 30% increase here.  You are doubling the price!  What kind of business model is that?!  Is it the “I’m gonna bend my loyal customers over a chair and rape them without any lube” business model?

Look, I get it.  Streaming content is the wave of the future, and Netflix needs to shift to capitalize on that.  And hell, if you were implementing this pricing change for new customers, I would totally be on board.  But to do it to your existing customers, it’s like a girl saying that you can take her virginity, and then at the last minute saying that she can’t have sex because she’s on the rag.

In a world where Netflix didn’t exist to digitally dickslap its customers across the face:

  • I wouldn’t have had to let my pride get the better of me, leading me to cancel my 1 DVD by mail and keeping only the streaming option.
  • As a result, I wouldn’t be forced to get excited about the newest Netflix Instant Releases:  Kung Pow: Enter the Fist and Halloween: H20.
  • I wouldn’t have to head to 7-11 to rent a REAL new release from the RedBox machine like one of… you people.
  • Blockbuster and Hollywood Video would still be relevant commissaries of commerce.
  • I wouldn’t be filled with contempt and left to plan how I’m going to firebomb the Netflix headquarters.
I urge all you, if you haven’t already done so, to call Netflix and tell them to go fuck yourselves.  Now, mind you, I set out to do the same thing, expecting them to beg for my business when I told them I was going to cancel membership.  I expected them to bow on my feet, showering me with praise for being a loyal customer for the past 6 years, and maybe offering me a free month or two, or allowing me to keep my current rate.  However, that was not the case.  Quite the contrary in fact.  They shrugged their shoulders and basically said, “see ya!”  But apparently they are feeling the backlash with the 10% drop in their stocks.  Continue to fight the good fight and stick it to the man because companies need to remember what the meaning of customer service is again.
Et tu Netflix?
But one has to have dreams right?


  1. Does this increase apply to all subscribers, or only the cheap bastards who get 1 DVD at a time (granted I’ve had Othello, Whale Rider, and Darfur Now for the past 7 months and haven’t watched any of them). Regardless, I will definitely give them a call. I don’t plan on canceling my account, but since I’m paying, and since I started a no sugar diet a week ago I might as well get my money’s worth and use their customer services to unleash my sugar craving rages on a daily basis. They’re not going to lose my business, but I’ll make them wish they had.

  2. Whah Whah Whah Whah!

    Guess it’s time to switch to Blockbuster! (no idea if they’re more expensive or not, probably shittier though)

  3. You Bitch too much.

  4. could you do a post about the assholes who know their assholes and continue to act like assholes simply out of spite and somehow for whatever reason you continue to interact and call them a “friend”

  5. Stick it to the man! You have basis to start a revolution. All big corporations, beyond small local businesses don’t care about the customer. It’s crazy unfair. They have money – cuz we give it to them!

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