Posted by: thinningtheherd | April 25, 2011

#113 Sofia Coppola

Species Name:  Notalentassclownicus Torturedfartistius

This one has been brewing in my colon for a while and I now feel ready to shit all over Sofia Coppola.  There are few people in this world that I despise more than this pretentious, privileged, untalented, angsty, fartist (“fake artist”).  To give a little context as to why now I’m choosing to defecate on Sofia’s face, she has just announced her newest film Secret Door starring Kirsten Dunst.  The most aggravating part of this announcement is that she’s not releasing a synopsis of the film but instead is only releasing the first scene of her screenplay so we can all revel in her brilliance.  She seems to be trying to create an ere of mystery for something that no one gives two shits about.

I have had nothing but contempt for this broad since she ruined what could’ve been the greatest trilogy of all time.  Exhibit A:

Now, picture how much more emotional that scene would’ve been if you hadn’t been hoping that “Mary” (Sofia Coppola) would get shot so we would be spared any more of her “acting.”  Believe it when I say this movie would’ve won “Best Picture,” thus completing the first ever trifecta “Best Picture” win, at the 1990 Oscars had it not been for Sofia Coppola.

Before all you die hard Lost in Translation fans show up at my door with torches and pitchforks, bitching and complaining about how I’m just jealous that I don’t have a famous director father to make my life easier… well, you’re right.  I’m not hating on Sofia for having one of the greatest filmmakers of all time as her father.  I’m hating on her because she sucks.

In a world where Sofia Coppola didn’t exist to make pointless, asinine movies:

  • I wouldn’t have had to endure The Virgin Suicides which made ME want to commit suicide  by the end of the opening credits. The only redeeming quality of that film being Air’s musical score.
  • My TV wouldn’t have been thrown through my living room window after Sofia won the Oscar for “Best Original Screenplay” for Lost in Translation.  The script had six words in it!
  • Marie Antoinette would’ve never been made and the same amount of people would’ve paid to see it — zero.
  • Spike Jonze would’ve dodged a major bullet and in turn wouldn’t have lost some of his cred for marrying Sofia.  Christ, can you imagine being married to this boring bitch?!
  • I would’ve been spared a lot of “I told you so’s” to friends who went to see her last film, Somewhere.
Let’s face reality here — Sofia Coppola would be a nobody if it wasn’t for her father.  Her films are average to unbearable, her face lacks any semblance of personality, and she sucks.  Did I mention that last point yet?  It’s beyond aggravating that the indie film world fawns all over this chick.  Have you people actually sat and watched any of her movies?  I would rather have someone shove a glass test tube up my urethra and then squeeze my dick like it was a stress ball, then be subjected to watching Lost in Translation again.  Nobody thinks you’re a tortured artist when you’ve had a silver spoon in your mouth your entire life.  Stop your moping goddamnit! I wonder if “Mosca” is looking for work and if he’s still a good shot.
But one has to have dreams right?


  1. Just so you know, your blog is disgustingly sexist. I might agree with a stray few of your points but UGH, your self-satisfied misogyny is just unbearable.

    • I’m most certainly a prick and an asshole, but a misogynist I do take offense to… I’m an equal opportunist when it comes to my hatred…

  2. Yeah. You’re nothing more than an angry little boy. Pat yourself on the back for doing your part in a world of disintegration by way of hate and apathy. I hope you don’t have children. And I also hope you find peace.

    • An “angry little boy” who is CORRECT. Sofia is overrated, plain and simple. No one is begrudging children of famous parents having careers in the same industry–and getting the hard-won breaks that come with that privilege. However, if you have zero talent, and *ONLY* have a career thanks to those breaks, then it’s a different story. I think that’s the subtle difference you’re missing here.

      • I am bregrudging all hollywood nepotism. We still live in a feudal system where the rich are secure in their wealth and privilege while working class and poor people are miserable and not getting anywhere no matter how hard they work, and that should make anyone angry. And you are correct, she does suck.

  3. Are you guys kidding me?? I googled “Sophia Coppola sucks” for the soul purpose of finding another like-minded person who sees through her privileged-life bullshit and can’t STAND her self-indulgent films.
    I liked the Virgin Suicides for the same reason, the Air score. I thought that everybody had lost their fucking minds when Lost in Translation was nominated for “best picture”. Marie Antoinette was a film that with the budget it had and the recourses that spoiled bitch has access to, could have been more of a social/political film with an ACTUAL STATEMENT, other than glorifying Marie Antoinette for being a materialistic shithead. And, Somewhere? I HAD to go see that movie because my date wanted to see it, but I still ended up walking out 30 minutes into it. It SUCKED.
    And for the record, I’m a GIRL, who went to school for film/animation. I know how difficult it is to get off the ground as a director, so seeing a privileged brat like Sophia Coppola who has all the access to recourses to make anything she wants to has NOTHING to say with her films, other than how hard and isolating it feels to be rich, I say she can go fuck herself and stop making shitty films.
    There is nothing “sexist” about this entry at all. Sophia Coppola is a shallow, fake artist with nothing original to say.

    • You complete me.

  4. Wow. Nail on the head, and any other tired-ass cliché you want to toss down. Sofia is a no-talented little piss-ant. Lost in Translation is one of my favorite movies. It has nothing to do with the direction (which was all ad-hoc because the dumb-ass bitch couldn’t/wouldn’t secure the right permits), and certainly nothing to do with the dialogue (I think there are actually nine words but I might just be hopeful), it has everything to do with Bill Murray delivering a great character, and a still-young Scarlett J. pushing through to a real acting gig as an adult. Sofia I don’t think had fuck-all to do with the movie really, other than paint her dog-ass face all over the dailies and promo shots.

    Some people are true visionary directors. Others are accomplished artists in film. Most are average filmmakers. Then there are those that suck shit. Sofia crowns them all as the sole member of the “crawl under a fucking rock you no-talented little turd” genre.

  5. I fucking hate her. She ruined Godfather 3!!!!

  6. The only actual facts I could find in your argument is that she’s got a famous father and she’s angsty. If half the world was talking shit about you in high school I’m sure you wouldn’t have turned out like such a confident prick either. Be happy she’s actually trying to do something with her life. Sure, it might be art you don’t understand or appreciate… but it’s better than spreading Herpes around Vegas like Paris Hilton.

    Don’t watch her movies dumbass. Problem solved.

    • You missed the fact about her films sucking.

      • Hah. I guess I just assumed that was implied.

  7. I don’t know much about her work but I believe she sucked as well in Godfather III. Iadmire her for making a living of her own…getting married and raising a family is a good thing. It’s unfortunate that rich girls like Paris Hilton, Lindsey Lohan, Brittney Spears and the list goes on are too busy prancing around for paparazzi attention and stuffing crap up their nose to live a quiet life. Kudos to Sofia.

    • Ahahahh… you call this stupid bitch out for writing shit movies about being a spoiled little brat, and out come the crows squaking “sexist”.

      The women saying “sexist” and “mysoginist” are themselves guilty of sexism for the simple fact of introducing the subject to a conversation that had nothing to do with sex. Morons.

      This is about a person who never would have had 10 people sit to endure her pure, unadulterated crap of movie-making endeavors had it not been for her rich dad. How can someone watch her movies and not hate her? I guess I understand if you were a spoiled millionaire too, but who else knows the angst of having so much money, time, and freedom that it just makes life unbearable? That is the subject of almost every movie she ever made. People have real problems, trials, tribulations, and accomplishments, and we are supposed to laud this talentless hack for struggling with what to do next with all her free time and inherited money. Cry me a river.

      • Amen.

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