Posted by: thinningtheherd | January 19, 2011

#110 The Smith Family

Species Name:  Overexposicus Familius

The name may be generic but the family considers themselves to be anything but.  Yes, I’m talking about Will Smith, Jada Pinkett-Smith, Jaden Smith, and that little follicle flipping whore, Willow.  I detest this family.  Sure, they look good in a family portrait, but I know I can’t be the only one who is sick of this family’s overexposure.  It’s one thing to be a Hollywood power couple, but it’s a completely different thing to whore your children out at every turn.

Will Smith was more than likable as the “Fresh Prince” and Jada Pinkett was decent enough in…uh…. Tales from the Crypt: Demon Knight.  But instead of just making millions and then focusing on raising their family, the Smith’s have been pimping their kids out since they came out of the womb.  Jaden was the star of a TV show at five years old and Willow had her first movie role as Will Smith’s daughter in I Am Legend at the age of seven.  Are the Smith’s compensating for their own bizarre sex life that has been the talk of Hollywood for over a decade?  Quite possibly.  The rumor is that Will and Jada are both bisexual and have been known to swing from time to time.  Again, these are just rumors, but considering that they seem to be in love with themselves, it wouldn’t surprise me that they’d want both genders to “experience” all they have to offer.

The biggest problem I have with the Smith’s is that they seem hellbent to make every other American family feel like worthless losers who aren’t doing anything with their lives.  That and they insist on naming their kids after themselves.  What a bunch of vain assholes.  Hate to break it to you Will, but just because you squirted these kids out of your ballsack doesn’t mean they’re destined to be God’s gift to the world.

In a world where the Smith’s didn’t exist to force their precocious brats down our throats:

  • We wouldn’t have to endure Will Smith remaking Annie with Willow in the title role and Jay-Z doing the music.  Come on Will, if you are going to rob your daughter of a childhood, at least come up with something original.  You already ruined The Karate Kid after all.

  • A ten year old wouldn’t be singing the lyrics, “Don’t let haters keep me off my grind.”  I’m twenty-eight years old and I don’t have any idea what that means.
  • No one would’ve had to endure the mediocrity that is, The Pursuit of Happyness.
  • Jada’s show “Hawthorne” wouldn’t exist but it wouldn’t be any big loss because nobody watches the show currently anyway.
  • They would need to find another actor to play President Obama in the future biopic.  We all know the REAL reason the Smith’s donated all that money to Obama’s campaign…

It’s so hard to swallow that we’ll have to endure more infectious pop songs and bastardizations of classic films by this family.  But the reality of the situation is that these kids haven’t even hit puberty yet and although they might hit that awkward phase like Jonathan Lipnicki or Haley Joel Osmont, I fear we won’t be that lucky.  If I had to hedge my bets, I’d wager that it’s more likely that this country turns into a monarchy run by the Smith’s.  The only one in this family I like anymore is the oldest kid, who up to this point has not insisted on being in the I will die before I hail King Will and Queen Jada!

But one has to have dreams right?




  1. I loved this because I share a similar disgust for the way these two promote their talentless children. I recall Will claiming that his son “won” the part in the ‘Happyness” movie over hundreds of other kids who auditioned…what a pathetic joke that he would try to sanitize his shameless pimping with this obvious lie.

    Many months ago I was moved to write a paragraph on this subject as part of a discourse on the hapless Charlie Sheen:

  2. You need to check out, talk about sideshow, that place has all kinds of disasters on it.

  3. yall b****** need to stp hating on the smiths yew just mad cuz yew aint got it like dey got it. yall need to get a life cuz if it was me id come and shoot all ov yew down eat that b******

    • Good Lord, try to have an independent thought every now and then. This type of response is so typical amongst those that desire fame and fortune, which for most amounts to a hollow, shallow existence full of materialism and devoid of all substance. The author’s sentiments are the general consensus amongst good parents and intelligent people regarding the Smiths. Their children WILL, and I repeat WILL have serious problems in life, unless they are forever shielded by their parents and their seemingly limitless money supply. They are entitled and have no concept of the term, humility. I hope they are humbled one day.

      The haterz reply is a cop out.

  4. When Willow said “Don’t let haters keep me off my grind,” she was talking about people like you. But hey, the world needs people like you- success wouldnt feel so great without ya’ll!!!

  5. I have to disagree on this one. I actually liked “whip my hair back and forth” And really i think your ire should be directed at the parents as they are responsible for their children. Those kids can’t even vote yet. judge them when they come of age. I waited to hate on those olsen assholes for 18 years.

  6. Also referring to a little girl as a “whore” is pretty vile.

    • Agree to that one. This lady or whoever she is needs to grow up. They are doing more than you and your obviously just jealous. Referring to a youn child as a whore? Well guess what, your a lousy b….

  7. Haters now in this days…. seriously! Lmfao

  8. Notice how closely he resembles Obama? Hmmmm…..

  9. See: The Truth Exposed by ed chiarini on yt.

  10. These are the most precocious children I have ever seen. It will be sad when they realize the world does not revolve around them.

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