Posted by: thinningtheherd | September 22, 2010

#104 Legal/Medical/Cop Shows


Species Name:  Redundantius IfeellikeIveseenthisbeforeicus

It’s that time of year again…Where the major television networks roll out their new fall shows and as usual, 90% of the new shows are the same old fucking shit.  They’re all legal, medical, or cop procedurals.  Don’t believe me?  Here is the list of the new shows this season broken down into Legal/Medical/Cop shows, and everything else.  Also, I’m obviously referring to dramas since their aren’t very many comedies that deal with people getting murdered on the mean streets of Detroit, and if you couldn’t realize that, well you’re kind of a fucking idiot:

Hawaii Five-0 (Cop)

Chase (Cop)

Detroit 1-8-7 (Cop)

Outlaw (Legal)

The Whole Truth (Legal)

The Defenders (Legal)

Law and Order: Los Angeles (Legal/Cop)

Body of Proof (Cop/Medical)

Blue Bloods (Cop)

Everything Else:

The Event

Lone Star

No Ordinary Family

Undercovers

My Generation

Okay, so maybe it’s only 9 Legal/Medical/Cop shows, to 5 Everything Else shows, but let’s think about how many of those 9 L/M/C shows are actual original ideas, and how many are either remakes, rehashes, spin offs, or the same show in a new location.

1.  Hawaii Five-0 – “OOOOOHHH, a cop show in Hawaii, that’s original!”  Not if you watched the cheeseball show from the 1970’s it’s not.  But you replace a fat Hawaiian with a studly Korean and you got yourself a new show, right?  Who the fuck cares.  CBS has sunk waaaaaaaay too much money into this show to let it get canceled, so you can rest assured that unless the numbers begin to radically tank, this remake cop procedural will see its way to the end of the season.

.

2. Chase – Anybody ever seen The Fugitive?  Well, replace Tommy Lee Jones with a fiery, spitfire female lead and you got yourself Chase, but without the good writing and finely crafted tension.

.

.

.

.

3. Detroit 1-8-7 – Haven’t we already proven that Christopher Molitsanti is not cut out for network TV?  I don’t think people want to look at his ugly mug except on HBO where ratings don’t matter.  This is ABC trying to capture the grittiness of The Shield, but Southland already proved that’s not possible on network television.  Not to mention this is simply a run of the mill cop procedural set in a different city.

4.  Outlaw – Ugghhh…this has to be the worst show of the new season thus far.  Jimmy Smits as a sex symbol, radical Supreme Court Judge who resigns from the court to go back to being an attorney and make a difference.  Yes, it’s as bad as it sounds.  Sure, the premise is a tad bit original, but the show itself uses every contrived cliche in the legal books.

5.  The Whole Truth – What a clever name for a legal show…if you’re a retarded second grader.  There is nothing novel about this tired legal procedural premise.  DA vs. Defense attorney, whoopeedee fucking doo.  Rob Morrow, you had your moment, Numbers lasted far longer than anybody thought it would, now just go away.  Maura Tierney, I love her, but hate this show.

.

6.  The Defenders – Jerry O’Connell and Jim Belushi as lawyers in Las Vegas.  I rest my case your honor.

.

.

.

.

7.  Law and Order: Los Angeles – Sure, the cast is top notch, but the premise is exactly the same as the 67 other Law and Order shows just a new city for Dick Wolf to play in.  It’s no secret that every st0ryline from this franchise for the last decade has been stolen straight for the newspaper headlines, and this proves to be no different.  This has to be one of the cushiest writing jobs in television.

8.  Body of ProofBones meets CSI. I’m sure was the pitch in that meeting.  Dana Delaney has chops, but this premise feels redundant at best.

.

.

9.  Blue Bloods – Despite CBS relegating this show to Friday nights, I can see this show being the biggest hit of the season, and on the air for the next decade because old people love the shit out of Tom Selleck and those fucking “Jesse Stone” movies.  Who cares what this generic cop procedural is about?  It’s got Selleck and his ‘stache.  Instant gold for Les Moonves.

.

.

Bottom line, if you don’t have cable, get it, now, otherwise you are in store for a VERY long TV season.  The Event may be the only watchable drama this season on network TV, but I fear even that show may be too over the heads of retarded middle America and may get cancelled.  The other new shows with the exception of No Ordinary Family (The Incredibles meets Heroes) look like they could have potential, but again don’t seem like anything truly unique.

The world would be a much better place if network television would start taking their cues from cable where risks are being taken.  Listen up CBS, NBC, ABC, FOX, take a look at AMC’s slate.  They have a show about a chemistry teacher/meth cook, a show about the 1960’s advertising industry, and they’re getting ready to premiere a serialized show about a zombie driven apocalypse.  AMC’s motto is “Story Matters Here,” and frankly you networks could learn a little something from that.

Advertisements

Responses

  1. this was hilarious, thank you for this.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Categories

%d bloggers like this: