Posted by: thinningtheherd | September 12, 2010

#102 The VMA’s


Species Name: Sameoldshiticus Ginormouswasteoftimeius

Maybe I’m just old, but this awards show was kind of retarded.  First, it’s hosted by Chelsea Handler, who every time she opens her mouth a puppy dies.  It boggles my mind how this stupid bitch has a nightly show on television, and Sarah Silverman can’t manage to keep a show on LOGO.  Second, yeah we get it, Kanye West is a douchebag for interrupting Taylor Swift’s acceptance speech, it was a year ago MTV, move on.  Then there’s Justin “I’m a Lesbian” Beiber.  I actually got nauseous when I heard all the little teeny boppers heads exploding when Bieber came out on stage outside the Nokia Theater.

I just find it kind of dumb that a network that only plays music during the hours of 3am and 6am has a whole awards show dedicated to it.  Not only that, but every category seems exactly the fucking same, all just variations on one another with the same fucking people always nominated.  The only thing redeeming during the show was Deadmaus doing the background/bumper music to the awards show.  He’s the shit.  If you’ve never heard of him, go illegally pirate his music now.  Fuck iTunes.  Steve Jobs has plenty of fucking money.

In a world where the Video Music Awards didn’t exist to make me realize just how out of touch I am with the kiddies:

  • No one would’ve have had to witness Pop Tarts shameless advertising campaign.  “What would you do with a million Pop Tarts?” Who the fuck cares?  I would probably just eat them at a leisurely pace.  It’s not like I have to worry about those fucking things ever going bad.
  • Ke$ha wouldn’t make all of us constantly wonder how her ugly, no talent ass got famous.
  • I wouldn’t have to google, “Who the fuck is Drake?”

  • Jared Leto could just go back to acting, something he was at least decent at.
  • There would be one less reason for me to completely lose my faith in humanity.

I don’t want “Beiber Fever,” I don’t care what B.O.B. stands for, Chelsea Handler is a whore, and all this music sounds the fucking same!  I guess I am old, but you know what?  I’d rather be in a retirement home than say that my musical idols are Justin Beiber and Ke$ha.  As if this awards show wasn’t terrible enough, you include a performance by Linkin Park?  Just fucking kill me.  What a horrible way to cap off a great day of football.  Youth of America, I blame you.

But one has to have dreams right?

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Responses

  1. I totally agree! I have to admit I actually was a tad curious about watching the awards bc sometimes I do like to fall asleep to Chelsea. But she just wasnt entertaining AT ALL!

    Most of the time I blame the lameness of tv on the fact that people are so touchy now that everything has to be “politically correct” or blocked/avoided altogether. However, i couldnt watch for more than two minutes at a time! Its so weird to see “whats cool!” And my friends can vouche for me that I “secretly” do like some ridiculous stuff (Britney!). haha But bieber?! UGHHHHH

    I’ll answer your question- who’s Drake? Well he was actually on some show canadian show Degrassi (like Saved by the bell meets my so called life) and he should have just stayed there cause that was a really wtf performance! Yet another actor thinking he can be talented in music too. Greedy bastard!

    I missed the majority of the awards mostly because like you, I find it ironic to have an awards show for music videos when they dont even play them! Trust me- I sadly waste a part of my life watching a few of those sappy lame mtv shows at times because they are so awful BUT really miss the days when music videos were actually played! I guess that makes me old too!

    Great post!

  2. By the way, I wouldnt mind if Jared Leto went back to acting….. Jordan Catalano! Mmmm Delicious!


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