Species Name: Patheticus Oblivious
100 posts later, and there are still so many assholes in the world who don’t deserve to be here. It’s hard to believe that “Thinning the Herd” has reached its centennial post. Seemed fitting to come back to where it all started a little less than a year ago. Figured I’d take a look at how “The Douchebag” has de-volved over the past year and why the world would STILL be a better place if they didn’t exist.
In the last year we’ve seen the emergence of the “Guido Douchebag” on a national scale:
One guy we all thought wasn’t a douchebag…turns out he was:
And one guy we all knew was a douchebag…still is:
In a world where the Douchebag didn’t exist to further convince us that there is no God:
- We wouldn’t have to listen to them grunting at the gym like they’re giving it to their fleshlight.
- We’d never have to look at one more fucking perfectly manicured chinstrap.
- No one would have to endure looking at whatever Carrot Top has turned into. As if his comedy wasn’t bad enough…
- With all the douchebags gone, there would be no Team Edward vs. Team Jacob nonsense to hear about ever again.
- No one would have to pay a cover to go into a bar ever again because only douchebags see paying a cover as a rite of passage.
- I wouldn’t have thrown my brand new laptop through a wall after watching this music video of autotuned douchebaggery:
Christ, how do I even continue after that video. Seriously, how did this douchebag plague begin? Do I need to find Ed Hardy and kick him in the nuts? Is Axe body spray to blame? Do I need to head to every nightclub on Friday/Saturday night to firebomb the bottle service section? No, you know why? Because no matter what we do, there are new douchebags being born every fucking day! Forget the zombie apocalypse, that I could handle, but the douchebag apocalypse is just about doing this angry blogger in.
But one has to have dreams right?