Posted by: thinningtheherd | July 27, 2010

#92 Incapable Parents

Species Name:  Moronus Irresponsiblius

Just got back from spending my birthday at Disneyland and had a blast.  Mind you, I don’t feel the need to go for another decade or so, but it definitely was a great time.  What’s not to love?  Disneyland’s brought back “Captain EO,”  the teacups still make me giggle like a little girl, and Jungle Cruise takes on a whole new persona at night.  I know what you’re thinking.  How can a guy with that much pent up aggression not have come away from his day at the “happiest place on Earth” without someone/something he wishes he could eradicate off the face of our Earth, in turn, making it that much happier of a place?  Do not fret, I would never want to disappoint.

Every parent should take their kids to Disneyland at some point.  It’s a wondrous place that blows kids minds.  Disneyland is a narcotic to children.  They love everything about it, and never want it to end.  However parents, when you do bring your kids to Disneyland, heed this warning:  LEARN HOW TO CONTROL YOUR FUCKING CHILD!

In a world where Incapable Parents didn’t exist to let their children free climb Matterhorn Mountain:

  • We’d be killing two birds with one stone by eliminating the manner-less little brat and their irresponsible, good-for-nothing parents.
  • This would never have had to be invented is parents knew how the hell to raise their child:

  • Parents might actually realize that letting your child blindly play with metal chains while waiting in line might not be the best fucking idea in the world, considering those chains are the perfect toddler lynching length.
  • A crop of parents may exist that not only teach their children how to avoid acting like a primate, but also to respect personal space of those around them.
  • The leftover parents would realize that pumping their children full of sugar for 12 straight hours is only going to lead them becoming spawns of Satan.

I honestly can’t understand how so many parent’s these days just let their kids do whatever the hell they want.  Yesterday, I shit you not, while waiting in line for the “Storybook Land Canal Boats,” I watched a toddler punch his mother in the face like she was Clubber Lang.  Did she do anything to stop him?  Nope.  It’s this nonchalant attitude that have turned your children into holy terrors incapable parents.  And this horrendous child rearing isn’t just present at Disneyland, just happens to be a critical microcosm to display the lack of control these fuckwad douchebags have over their kids.

Here’s my Jerry Springer-esque final thought:  How about instead of continuing to pop out babies, why don’t you hone your craft with the one you got, then we’ve managed to teach that kid basic how to act like a member of human society, then you can go back to shooting babies out of your vagina’s like ping pong balls.

But one has to have dreams right?



  1. YEAH! You tell ’em! I was at the doctor’s office with my husband (then fiance) and sat in the waiting room across from this teenage daughter and her mother. Paul (husband) had an iPad with that was given to him by his work (he’s in IT). When Paul went back to see the doctor, I waited outside and this is the conversation that transpired between mother (aka Moronus Irresponsiblius) and daughter (Brat):

    Brat: [with her legs hanging over her mother’s lap] See! I need one of those! I need an iPad!

    MI: No you don’t.

    Brat: Yes I do! Everyone has one! All my friends have one! You HAVE to get me one!

    MI: You don’t need one.

    Brat: I DO need one! I need one RIGHT NOW! All my friends have one! You HAVE to get me one right now.

    MI: [silent]

    Brat: DID YOU HEAR ME?!?!?! MOM?!?!?! HELLO?!?!?!

    MI: I heard you.

    Brat: WELL! I need an iPad RIGHT NOW! NOW!!!!

    Your witnessing of that child smacking his mother in the face brings me back to the above conversation. No doubt, the brat I saw in the waiting room was the type who slugged her mother in the face repeatedly while at Disneyland! I’m not sure when and where we learned that discipline does NOT equal love.

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