Posted by: thinningtheherd | June 22, 2010

#86 Team France


"You guys sacre BLOW!"

Species Name:  Sorelosericus Disgracfulius

Well France, now you know why the rest of the world hates you.  The World Cup is an awe-inspiring, unique platform for nations from all over the world to put aside their differences and play soccer (or football for all you other weirdos) once every four years.  Then here come the French, throwing tantrums, whining about their coaching, and eventually imploding in on themselves.  France was eliminated from the tournament this morning after a loss to South Africa.  France has always been a powerhouse in international soccer, including winning the World Cup in 1998, and finishing second in 2006.

Let’s get down to brass tacks; the French hate to lose at everything.  They’re like little children,  so when they played to a 0-0 tie in their opening match against Uruguay and were then soundly defeated by Mexico 2-0 in their second match, the cheese became extra stinky.  Striker Nicolas Anelka was dismissed from the team during half-time of the Mexico match after a “dispute” with the French team manager where obscenities were passed.  The following day, France’s team captain got into a heated exchange with the team trainer, requiring both to be restrained.  The team’s managing director resigned after being “sick and disgusted” with the team’s actions.  Finally, as if things couldn’t get any worse, players on the team threatened to boycott the match against South Africa, citing their disagreement with sending Anelka home based on reports from the media.

"Anelka, Anelka, is there a good reason why you acted like a BABY?"

I for one am glad to see France eliminated because now the rest of the world can refocus on the tournament instead of the pathetic squabbles within the French team.  Leave it to the French to make this tournament all about them, stealing the spotlight from the World Cup as a whole.

In a world where Team France didn’t exist to be an embarrassment on the international stage:

  • Team France wouldn’t endure the further shame of Zinedine Zidane being disgraced with your actions.  I’m sure you all remember that Zidane was responsible for this classy move back in the 2006 World Cup:
    • South Africa’s team may not have gotten their one win of the tournament, leaving the host nation fans more disappointed then they already are.
    • President Sarkozy wouldn’t have the pleasure of reaming the French National Team with vuvuzela’s upon their return to France.
    • The French soccer team wouldn’t be able to use their now free time to give team building seminars to various companies across France.
    • Ireland would’ve been in the 2010 World Cup instead of France, as would’ve been the case had the refs not blown this call in the qualifier:

      85% of the French population were ashamed of the blatant handball that got France into this year’s World Cup and for the French to admit shame, that’s saying something.  Who knows who is to blame for the French team meltdown, but they all should’ve put aside their differences and played like a fucking team, not like a bunch of babies.

      But one has to have dreams right?

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