Posted by: thinningtheherd | June 18, 2010

#85 Rioting Lakers Fans


Species Name:  Psychoticus Embarrassius

Basketball is not my sport.  Frankly, watching guys shoot a ball into a basket 100 times a game isn’t my definition of exciting.  That being said, I enjoyed watching last night’s Game 7 final between the Lakers and Celtics.  I liked it because the score wasn’t 120-117, it was a defensive battle which is what sports should always be about, leading to an 83-79 final score.  It was a hard fought game and no one can deny that the Lakers deserved to win that game.  Unfortunately, some of the Lakers fans took that as an excuse to turn downtown L.A. into a scene from a post-apocalyptic movie.

Did those ads with Phil Jackson and the rest of the Lakers pleading with you psychotic fans to “celebrate with dignity” have no effect on you?  Look, I realize that the Boston Celtics fans were complete toolbags when they beat the Lakers in 2008, throwing rocks and bottles at the Lakers team bus, but come on L.A. fans…take the high road for once would ya?  Instead, you chose to take the celebration away from Kobe winning his 5th championship and made your asinine behavior.  The worst part though is that it’s not like this is the Lakers first championship in 60 years.  Shit, if that was the case, fuck it, torch Staples Center, IT’S A CELEBRATION!  But you guys just won last year, so really, was the smashing of every car window in a 2 mile radius and torching cars really necessary? For you negligent and immature behavior, I feel it necessary to thin you from the herd and remove this blemish from an otherwise passionate and intelligent fan base.

In a world where the Rioting Lakers Fans didn’t exist to act like escaped inmates from Arkham Asylum:

  • The City of Los Angeles wouldn’t have dedicate this morning to assessing the damage bill that’s going to plunge our city further into massive deficit abyss…thanks Lakers fans.
  • The Metro bus driver would’ve been able to do his job without you fucking retards trying to pull him out of his driver side window.  For Christ sake, the guy’s a bus driver, doesn’t he have to deal with enough crazies on a daily basis?
  • Kobe Bryant’s wife would still be gaudy, spotlight whore.  Who the hell let you out of the house wearing that tacky ass jacket?  Looks like you let your little girls bedazzle that shit.
  • The poor taxi driver whose cab you deranged nutbags raped, pillaged, and lit on fire, wouldn’t have to be the laughing stock back at the watercooler with the other drivers.
  • The customers/Lakers fans watching the game in a downtown eatery wouldn’t have gone from Jekyll to Hyde and proceeded to trash the place and steal bottles of liquor.
  • I wish you dipshits realized how ridiculous you looked last night.  There’s a reason why the rest of the nation hates Lakers fans, and what transpired last night is it.  God help us all when the Dodgers when the World Series…

    But one has to have dreams right?

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