Posted by: thinningtheherd | April 30, 2010

(De)Thinned – #1 Patrick Swayze


Species Name:  Thespianicus Extraordinarius

This marks a new feature here on TTH.  Once a month, I’m going to “de-thin” someone from the herd who was taken before their time, or maybe it was their time, but I just simply wish it hadn’t been.  Why am I doing this you ask?  Besides showing some of you that I’m not completely dead on the inside, it will hopefully highlight the irony that people like Spencer Pratt and Rush Limbaugh are still alive, but a gem like Patrick Swayze is not.  Do not fret loyal TTHer’s, I have not gone soft in my old age, there will still be plenty of douchebags to thin, but consider the de-thinnings a belated, humorous reverse obituary of sorts.  Here goes nothing…

He “had the time of his life,” unfortunately for him, and for all of us…it was far too short a life.  Patrick Swayze was thinned from the herd on September 14, 2009 after a long battle with pancreatic cancer.  He was only 57 years old.  Unlike most girls who grew up during the 80’s and 90’s, I don’t remember the Swayze from Dirty Dancing or  Ghost.  No, I fondly remember the Point Break, Roadhouse, Youngblood, and Red Dawn Patrick Swayze.

Patrick Swayze was one of those actors that everyone took for granted until he was gone.  Now, let’s imagine that he came back to life, and no, not as one of the reanimated undead, I’m talking, let’s imagine what the world would be like if Patrick Swayze was still alive.

In a world where Patrick Swayze never became a Ghost:

  • Swayze would’ve gone on “Dancing with the Stars” and bitch-slapped everyone with his dance moves, while still completely maintaining his masculinity.
  • I would feel a lot safer, with Patrick Swayze leading the charge, against the invasion of America by any number of countries that hate us, instead of unstable Charlie Sheen…WOLVERINES!:
  • Patrick Swayze would skydive with the “Nitro Circus” guys and show them how Bodhi rolls, forcing them to respect their elders:
  • Patrick Swayze would hold a screening of Roadhouse to show Shia LeBeouf and Jake Gyllenhaal, along with rest of the pussy actors in Hollywood, how a real man acts:

  • Patrick Swayze would kill Rupaul in a walk-off, while still completely maintaining his masculinity:

Oh Patrick, the world is a little less awesome without you in it…Please come back.  Maybe you could do a Vice Versa type trade with someone who is alive.  If you need suggestions as to potential candidates whose place you can take in the herd, please see blog entries #1-74 on this site.

But one has to have dreams right?

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Responses

  1. i LOVED him in point break! thanks for bringing him back. 🙂


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