Posted by: thinningtheherd | April 27, 2010

#74 Creed


Species Name:  Christianus Unoriginalcrapicus

Nothing beats spring time.  The weather is perfect, the flowers are in bloom, and it commemorates the start of baseball season.  You’ve waited all winter to tailgate in the parking lot, a 40 oz. of Olde English Malt Liquor in one hand and a bratwurst in the other.  Once you have a significant buzz going, you head into the ballpark, find your seats and prepare for a fun afternoon filled with ball scratching and pine tar.  So what happens when your favorite team runs out to this:

That’s right.  The Florida Marlins decided to tap Creed frontman, Scott Stapp, to create a “motivational” song to pump up fans before games.  There are so many things wrong with this video I don’t even know where to begin.  First, the production value is laughable.  I’ve seen higher production value in hobo porn.  Stapp looks like he’s recording this song in his mother’s basement, oh and do us all a favor Scott, stop trying to rape that mic stand, it’s as uninterested in banging you as those sluts in that Kid Rock video.  Next, listen to what he’s saying.  It sounds like this dipshit bought “Baseball for Dummies,” looked in the glossary and just started rattling off random baseball terminology.  It’s a little on the nose, that’s all I’m saying.  Lastly, I hate everything about Stapp and his band Creed, and to see him bastardize baseball with his poor man’s Eddie Vedder impression makes me wish he was dead.

In a world where Creed didn’t exist to make us want to stab ourselves in the ears with meat thermometers:

  • We’d have a few less Floridians in the world, and for those who have been to Florida, you know that’s a good thing.
  • We wouldn’t have to yearn for the Creed-free days between 2004 and 2009, because with no Creed to worry about, everyday would be Creed-free, and therefore a little bit brighter.
  • Bands would realize that making three albums in 5 years, filled with shitty music, doesn’t qualify you to make a “Greatest Hits” album.
  • Thousands of Christian rock bands would never been formed, and Jesus would be just fine with that.
  • None of us would get the much needed chuckle from searching “worst band in the world” on Google and having search results for the band Creed come up.

It’ll be a miracle if the Florida Marlins don’t lose every home game having to come out to Scott Stapp’s horrendous excuse for a song.  Creed is the type of band that your forty-something year old Uncle listens to, thinking he’s “hip” and “with it.”  Creed is like catnip for red-blooded, god fearing, good ole boys.  They’re music is equivalent to the modern day Deliverance banjo.  Creed is just one more reason why Florida should mysteriously disappear during a “freak hurricane.”

But one has to have dreams right?

Advertisements

Responses

  1. Stapp sounds like he is singing “hoping and dream you will suck” Hilarious!

  2. Dude…FUUUUUUCCCCCKKKK Creed! That was the worst song I’ve ever heard in my life. Scott Stapp’s shitty voice and even shitter overall style of shitty singing makes me want to pluck my pubes with a tweezer.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Categories

%d bloggers like this: