Posted by: thinningtheherd | April 22, 2010

#73 Canucks Fans

Species Name:  Whinybitchicus Sackupius


UPDATE – 6/16/11 –

For those of you who don’t pay attention to hockey, which sadly is most of you, you might not be aware that the Boston Bruins won the Stanley Cup last night in Vancouver, defeating the Vancouver Canucks in Game 7, 4-0.  It was a night of celebration for the Bruins as Tim Thomas continued his “lights out” reign in net for the B’s, taking home the playoff MVP trophy and playing a major role in his teams capture of the greatest trophy in all of sports.

Cut to minutes later, as the Canucks fans proceeded to lose their minds.

Look, fans rioting after a championship loss, or victory (yes, Lakers fans, I’m looking at you), is nothing new, but I really thought our neighbors to the North were gonna take the high road.  I mean, granted, I did get into a fist fight with a Canucks fan after a Kings-Canucks playoff game last season, but when I saw the Canucks fan being more than classy as the Bruins hoisted the Cup, I felt a wave a blissful unity wash over me.  “Heal the World” began to play in my ears, a single tear started to roll down my cheek, and I thought for a second, hmm, maybe I had these fans pegged wrong.  

Nope, I nailed you fuckers right on the head.

Canucks fans were determined to capture the newspaper headlines today one way or another.  Well, congratulations, you achieved your goal in an embarrassing, shameful, and pathetic destruction of your own city.  I never understood the rioting mindset.  It’s like a child throwing a tantrum and destroying their own room.  Hey asshole, that’s YOUR room.  YOU’RE gonna have to clean that shit up.

Vancouver is a beautiful city, and it’s a shame that a few thousand rotten apples had to fuck it up.  Christ, aren’t you guys supposed to be a bunch of pacifist potheads?  Frankly, I didn’t think you had it in you…

Oh, and the Sedins are still creepy as shit.


I’m sick and tired of these whiny Vancouver Canucks fans bitching and moaning their way through their opening round series against the Los Angeles Kings.  From the Coach of the team to their “loyal” fans, these pussies have done nothing but cry about how the Kings are getting all the calls in their favor.  Look, there are calls that aren’t going to go your way, suck it up you little bitches, it’s fucking hockey, grow a pair!

To put things in perspective, the conspiracy that Canucks fans think is being waged against their team started with a questionable “Too Many Men on the Ice” call in Game 2, which lead to the Kings OT winner, evening the series at 1-1.  Then in Game 3, one of the Ginger Twins had a goal disallowed after it was determined by the office in Toronto as being a distinct kicking motion.  Finally, Shane O’Brien and Coach Alain Vigneault were both fined prior to Game 4 for Shane O’Brien firing a puck at King’s player, Jeff Halpern, during warm-ups before Game 3.  Yeah, you’re right assholes, there’s obviously some grand conspiracy against you.  The world is out to get you.

My favorite part of just how dumb these fans are had to be what transpired after the Kings won Game 3 of the series.  As I was walking through the concourse of Staples Center, I heard Canucks fans responding to some taunting with the chant “gold medal.” Really guys?  Let’s think about this for one quick second.  You did win the gold medal in the Olympics, but did you morons stop to think about the fact that there are players from both the U.S. and Canadian Olympic teams on both the Kings and Canucks?  Not to mention arguably the best defenseman on the Canadian team being King’s player Drew Doughty?  Vancouver Canucks does not equal Team Canada. Think about it that for a few seconds…dillholes.

The Kings had every reason to be pissed off after Game 4, after a  non-call on a trip of Kings’ player, which directly lead to the game winning Canucks goal, and a very questionable net being dislodged with no one near Roberto Luongo, just as the Kings were breaking into the zone with speed.  The Kings lost Game 4,  but instead of Kings’ coach Terry Murray crying like a little girl with a skinned knee, he took the high road, giving credit to the Canucks for a stellar third period. And trust me, all Kings fans would be breathing a lot easier with a 3-1 series lead heading back to Vancouver, versus the current 2-2 series tie.  You know why Terry did this Canucks fans?  Because the guy has fucking class.  Something you and your precious team lacks completely.  When you lose a game, it’s your fault, don’t try to blame it on bad officiating, or dirty play of the opposing team.  Accept a little fucking responsibility.

A hypothetical list of why the world would be a better place if the Canucks fans didn’t exist isn’t necessary, because like Coach Murray, I’m going to take the high road, knowing full well that whatever reasons I give, you guys would run crying to your mommy’s about.


But one has to have dreams right?

Kings in 7.  Not a dream.  A certainty.



  1. Even an article from last October lists the Canucks fans as being in the top 5 worst in sports!

    • Also, how could you not mention the Green Men?! They can be funny, but they’re obviously attention whores who had to steal their idea from a show that takes place in another city!

  2. Cancuks fans have some real issues and can’t take the fact that a young Kings team have the grit and passion that can match any team in the NHL. Even the Canucks coach said after game 4, “the Kings are a very strong team…they had only two points less than us and were in a way better division than us.” I thought that was awesome for him to give us that praise. To bad Canucks fans can’t see that. They just think the only reason they won’t win the cup is because of a little man name Gary Bettman/Buttman.

    Go Kings Go! Kings in 6 was my prediction before the series and I am sticking with it! Canucks fans can suck it!

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