Posted by: thinningtheherd | March 26, 2010

#66 Gloria Allred

Species Name: Fakefeministicus Ambulancechaserius
Gloria Allred is the entertainment industry’s ambulance chaser. The
minute some sort of a scandal breaks, she’s hitching her wagon to wherever star she can to maximize her profits from the situation. More specifically she’s become the “Lawyer to the mistresses.” Having already represented Rachel Uchitel, one of Tiger’s mistresses, Allred is now representing one of Jesse James mistresses as they seem to be crawling out of the woodwork.
I wouldn’t resent Gloria Allred if she just owned up to the bloodsucker that she is, but instead, she considers herself to be this grand feminist and crusader of justice for women’s rights. Well maybe that WAS the case sweetheart, but now you’re just a money hungry scheister as eager to get a piece of the spotlight as the whores you’re representing.
In a world where Gloria Allred didn’t exist to have an ad in the
phonebook that reads, “If you’ve been fucked by a celebrity, call me
now, we’ll sue the shit out of the asshole!:”
  • She wouldn’t have the opportunity to make low lifes like Tommy Lee, Kevin Federline, and Jesse James actually look good in comparison.
  • She wouldn’t be around to give feminists a bad name.
  • She wouldn’t be around to give lawyers a bad name.
  • Somewhere, Rosie the Riveter wouldn’t have to be turning over in her grave.
  • The legal profession would regain a little bit of it’s honor back.

Gloria Allred, to me, seems like one of those people who will never go
away. She’ll be hauling her old bones out into the media at the age
of 112 to defend the mistresses of Justin Bieber. Who the fuck is
that guy anyway?! Gloria, let’s be real, at this point, you must have more money than your plastic surgeon possibly knows what to do with. Why don’t you try to finish that career off in classy fashion instead of being media whore lawyer to the media whores?

But one has to have dreams right?



  1. Dude…i met that that bitch at some Women in Business event I catered in Santa Barbara a few years ago…All she did was talk about Amber Frye and Scott Pedersen while wearing a light blue, nylon track suit…

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