Posted by: thinningtheherd | March 12, 2010

#62 Vajazzling


Species Name:  Unnecessarius Accessorizus

I honestly cannot believe I’m dedicated actual time and energy to thinning this ridiculous fad, but hey, nobody said this job would be easy.  Remember the 80’s when everyone was bedazzling their jean jackets with the completely non-gay accessories that they needed?

Well rejoice, cause bedazzling is back!  But this is 2010, so the art of bedazzling had to be taken to the next level.  That level being women’s vagina’s apparently.  Ladies, have you ever looked down at your lady parts and thought, “You know what my rosebud needs?  Some fake rhinestones to make it sparkle like the true gem it is!”  So who do we have to blame for this brainfart of retardation?  The quintessential voice of our generation, that’s who, none other then Jennifer  Love Hewitt:

In a world where a vagina could just be a vagina:

  • We wouldn’t have to endure the inevitable Cock and Balldazzling that is sure to follow.  The line forms to the left gentlemen.
  • JLH would stick to being the Ghost Whisperer and not the Vagina Whisperer.
  • Guys wouldn’t to worry about being shred to pieces while in the missionary position.  You might as well be wearing a chastity belt too, ladies.
  • The tramp stamp would return to being the lonely symbol of the slut.
  • We would never hear these words coming from our TV’s:  “Today, on a very special Martha Stewart Show, I’ll show you the many ways to vajazzle your vajayjay.”

I don’t know man.  I don’t understand this at all.  Vajazzling as a way to get over a break up?  Huh?  What?  My brain hurts.  Ladies, look, getting yourself vajazzled is retarded.  Stop it.  I don’t care if you think it makes you look beautiful.  It doesn’t, it makes it seem like you went to a kindergarten class during arts and crafts and told the kids to go to town.  Men, beware of the vajazzled woman, because if she’s paid money to have her privates “shine like a disco ball,” she’s got issues you don’t want to touch.

But one has to have dreams right?

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Responses

  1. Hmm, how do you think that would look on my balls?


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