Posted by: thinningtheherd | March 4, 2010

#59 Elizabeth Hasselbeck


Species Name:  Emptyheadicus Babblepuss

Most reality TV stars are only able to stretch out their 15 minutes of fame by showing up on “Celebrity Fit Club” or “Celebrity Rehab.”  Elizabeth Hasselbeck has managed to take a more legitimate route joining the other clucking chickens on “The View” since 2003.

This would be great for her…if she wasn’t such a conservative crazy bitch.  Remember that show “Survivor,” the one that opened the network flood gates to every piece of shit imaginable reality TV show?  Before CBS ran out of new locations ,”Survivor: The Moon” this summer on CBS, Elizabeth Hasselbeck was a contestant on “Survivor: The Australian Outback.”  Hasselbeck didn’t even fucking win the show and still managed to parlay her appearance into a steady daytime talk show gig with some of the most annoying women working in television.

For the sports fans out there, you may recognize Elizabeth Hasselbeck’s last name and think to yourself, “huh, I didn’t know she was married to Seattle Seahawks quarterback, Matt Hasselbeck.”  Not to worry sports aficionado’s because she’s not married to Matt, she’s married to Tim Hasselbeck, the backup quarterback who was a member of seven teams in six years and squandered every chance he got to prove himself.  Long story short, he’s a loser, but so is his batshit crazy wife.  Elizabeth is a staunch pro-lifer, Iraq war supporter, and president of the Sarah Palin fan club.  Elizabeth Hasselbeck is an empty headed sack of shit, and it’s time for her to go.

In a world where Elizabeth Hasselbeck didn’t exist to act like she knows what the fuck she’s talking about:

  • We wouldn’t have been able to watch Elizabeth get verbally bodyslammed by Jesse ‘The Body’ Ventura:
  • We would’ve never gotten to see Elizabeth get so “emotional” over the use of the N word.  Frankly, I think she gets choked up because she wants to call Whoopi an N word so goddamn bad.
  • We wouldn’t have witnessed Keith Olberman pwning Hasselbeck’s deaf ass here:
  • We wouldn’t be able to see Elizabeth think all black people look the same…racist:
  • Elizabeth wouldn’t have accumulated the best acting reel of all time:
  • I still wouldn’t be able to watch “The View” without fear of my head exploding from all the obnoxious, high pitched arguing.

To me, Elizabeth Hasselbeck is that precocious child who regurgitates the political beliefs of their father but really has no idea what they’re talking about.  Except in Elizabeth Hasselbeck’s case, her Daddy is the Fox News Channel.  I hate “The View” in general, but I would probably hate it less if Elizabeth Hasselbeck had her head bitten off by Barbara Walter’s, praying mantis style, years ago.

But one has to have dreams right?

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Responses

  1. holy smokes is she stupid! isn’t she EMBARRASSED?!?!?!

  2. Liberals are such retards, nothing but sheep believing what they’re told. Thinking that anyone who doesn’t think as they do must be wrong and stupid. In reality all they know is what they were told by college proffesors who have no real world expierence.

  3. Chris — If you could only spell, just think of the stupid comments you could write!


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