Posted by: thinningtheherd | March 1, 2010

#58 Nickelback

Species Name:  Canadius Musicallyretardicus

Pickles are great.  They serve as the perfect compliment to any cheeseburger.  They’re a great savory snack.  But they’re really at their peak when they manage to get more Facebook fans then the horrendously terrible band, Nickelback.  That’s right.  A pickle managed to get more fans then Nickelback.  Suck on that Chad Kroeger.  I love the person who started this group on Facebook because they clearly share my sense of humor.  Not only that but she accomplished a pretty incredible feat, getting over a 1.5 million fans of the page.  Hah, 1.5 million people took the time out to try and get a pickle more fans then Nickelback, it’s so ridiculously awesome I love it.

Nickelback deserves this.  They deserve this for putting out one shitty album after another, but the worst part is that there are die hard Nickelback fans.  Can you imagine being a die hard Nickelback fan?  I’d rather cut off my dick.  The best part of this Nickelback vs. the pickle feud though is that frontman, Chad Kroeger actually got involved.  Kroeger and the creator of the pickle fanpage exchanged these emails on Facebook:

What a tool.  Just the fact that you took the time out of your “busy” schedule being a “rockstar” to get so butthurt manages to confirm just how absolutely douchey you and your band are.  I would totally party with a pickle any day before you Canadian hosers.  Does that sound wrong?

In a world where Nickelback didn’t exist to give talented Canadian musicians like Bachman-Turner Overdrive and The Tragically Hip a bad name:

  • You guys wouldn’t have been allowed to come up with your band name by looking at the back of a nickel one night drunk off Molson Ice and saying, “Check out the back of this nickle, eh?  Whoa, that’s a perfect name for our band.  Nickelback.  We’re aboot to take the world by storm guys!”
  • Okay, so that was the fake way they came up with their band name, but the real way is because when Chad worked at Starbucks, he used to give people their change and say, “Here’s your nickel back.”  Wow, I actually like my retarded hypothetical a lot better, at least beer was involved.
  • Chad Kroeger wouldn’t exist to make me think he is in dire need of dropping a major deuce every time he opens his mouth to sing.
  • Nickelback wouldn’t have been able to have the distinction of being voted “The Worst Band in the World” by The Word magazine in 2009.
  • Who knows?  Maybe these guys would’ve made good hockey players.  Nah, they suck at everything.

Oh Nickelback, as a guy who tries to defend Canadians at every turn because they are some of the nicest people in the world,(except for the French Canadians, they’re pompous assholes) your music makes it near impossible.  You guys suck so bad, it almost makes me wish the U.S. would declare war on Canada, with the sole purpose of eradicating Nickelback from the face of the Earth.  Can we also take out Celine Dion while we’re at it though?

But one has to have dreams right?



  1. I am a proud supporter of the Pickle. Don’t get me going about Canadians! Go Pickle Go!

  2. It’s a shame Nickelback douches are from Canada. I’d prefer it rather if they were from fucking USA. All the dumb shit usually is from here.

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