Species Name: Uselessicus Fillerius
My faithful followers are probably saying to themselves as they see the title of my blog, “Big Mac Bun? Christ, he’s finally completely lost his marbles…” Possibly true, but trust me when I say there is a method to my madness. The Big Mac Bun, for those of you who don’t know, doesn’t refer to the top and bottom bun of this deliciously terrible for you burger, it refers to that useless piece of shit in the middle of the sandwich. Let me make this clear, I am not preaching about how when I go to McDonalds, I would like to save some carbs by not consuming that extra piece of bread because lets fucking face it, I’m at McDonald’s, I’m not there to count calories. My problem with this bun is that it’s taking up precious stomach space that could be utilized to digest a 20 pc. McNuggets, a McFlurry or a Baked Apple Pie. This is ludicrous. Something must be done McDonald’s. You’re losing out on precious money that could be spent by Americans to fatten their way into morbid obesity that much quicker. I hope someone who works at McDonalds is reading this and will take my plea to heart.
In a world where that pesky middle bun in a Big Mac didn’t exist to waste precious real estate in my digestive tract:
- McDonalds would realize that although the Big Mac Wrap is a novel idea, fatties feel guilty eating wraps because they feel it’s “too healthy.”
- Carl’s Jr. wouldn’t have beat you to the punch with their Big Carl. You lost out to a smiling star. For shame Ronald, for shame.
- McDonald’s wouldn’t have even had to change the Big Mac song. It doesn’t mention anything about a useless middle bun in the song. It’s fate.
- People wouldn’t avoid the Big Mac in fear of the extra calories from that extra bun and go for one of the McSalads instead. Unbeknownst to them the salads have just about as many calories as a Big Mac, and don’t taste anywhere near as delicious.
- Everybody would still know that the special sauce is just thousand island.
- Hundreds of lives would be saved from massive coronary’s by sparing people that extra piece of bread…oh who am I kidding…
- That piece of shit middle bun wouldn’t interfere with the taste explosion in my mouth [insert sexual innuendo here]
As a product of the generation that was raised on McDonalds, I can honestly say, no silly documentary about how terrible your food is, will keep me away. “I’m Lovin’ It” so much I would puree a Big Mac and inject it straight into my veins if it was socially acceptable. Just tell that middle bun to fuck off would ya?
But one has to have dreams right?