Posted by: thinningtheherd | January 26, 2010

#47 Heidi and Spencer

Species Name:  Insecuricus Feebleus

No offense, but if you think I’m going to refer to these two assholes by their crappy merged nickname you might as well just throw yourself into a wood chipper.  Don’t you see?  That’s exactly what these smarmy, self-indulgent, shallow dingleberries want.  It ain’t happening.  I hate these people with every fiber of my being, and therefore I will not feed into their cutesy nickname bullshit.  So why have I waited so long to thin Mr. and Mrs. shit for brains from the herd?  Honestly, I have no idea.  I’ve made mention in regards to my hatred of both of these individuals, but have never given them their proper due.  Well enough is enough, it’s time for these no talent ass clowns to get what they have coming to them.

Let’s start with Heidi.

Some of you may have noticed that Heidi has decided to turn herself into Frankenstein’s monster by having 10 plastic surgeries in the same day.  If only two of those had been sewing her and Spencer’s mouths shut.  You poor, sad, pathetic Stepford wife (Seriously, look at her “now” face, completely devoid of all human emotion and cold, dead eyes that will pierce your soul.)  Here is what Heidi had done:

  • Mini brow lift
  • Botox in forehead and frown area
  • Nose job revision
  • Fat injections in cheeks, nasolabial folds and lips
  • Chin reduction
  • Neck liposuction
  • Ears pinned back
  • Breast augmentation revision
  • Liposuction on waist, hips, and inner and outer thighs
  • Buttock augmentation

Heidi, you’re 23 years old and you got a brow lift?  I don’t think Joan Rivers had one of those until she 178.  Wow, I knew you were insecure based on your acting performance on “The Hills,” but I had no idea you were THIS insecure.  Why don’t you just do us all a favor and start doing porn already?  We all know that’s the road you’re heading down with your new triple D’s leading the way.  Who knows?  It might be something you’re good at.

Okay Spencer, you’re turn.

Spencer Pratt, douchebag extraordinaire, with your translucent facial hair, what are you a polar bear?  Look it up people.  Spencer, you have spent your reality TV career trying to be the ultimate villain.  Well congratulations, because I for one wish everyday that you would’ve been eaten by a crocodile while filming, “I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here,” down in Costa Rica.  I really don’t feel compelled to make that strong of a case for why you should be eradicated off the face of the Earth, I don’t think there would be much resistance to seeing you die.  That’s what you get for being a complete tool.

In a world where Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt didn’t exist to remind us of everything that is wrong with society:

  • “The Hills” would still be a terrible show.
  • We wouldn’t be able to laugh at Heidi’s record sales.  Haha, 658 copies in it’s first week?  Well, Heidi, what did you really expect after this music video from your previous opus:
  • The inevitable “I Think I’m a Celebrity” boxing match between Spencer and Danny Bonaduce would never come to fruition.  What I wouldn’t give to see the Duce split Spencer’s face open.
  • We wouldn’t get to see just how retarded an offspring these two could possibly create.
  • TMZ would have to scramble to try and find celebrities to take pictures of who weren’t as vain as Heidi and Spencer.
  • We wouldn’t get to see just how haggard Heidi is going to look by age 40.  Janice Dickinson ain’t got shit on Heidi.
  • There would never be anyone else in history who would legally want to change his name to add the word “King” in front of it.  You have to earn that title Queen Spencer Pratt, and being Brody Jenner’s “manager” doesn’t cut it.

Goddamn it I hate these people, and I can’t stand how the media feeds into these cretins ego’s.  Please!  Just stop paying attention to them!  They’re like dogs, if you don’t pay attention to you, they lose interest and will return to licking their own scrotums in the corner of the room.  But if you continue to pet them and stroke their ego’s, they will hump your leg until you have to kick them in the junk.

But one has to have dreams right?

Poor don't deserve this type of abuse...



  1. Spencer’s no Henderson….

  2. holy shit i just watched the first 41 seconds of that heidi video…what a low budget piece of crap. Many thanks for getting rid of them….i owe you a well drink.

  3. Dude well said! These people are gay and I forgot about them 5 seconds after my girlfriend first told me who they were, and again after reading this hilarious thinning of the herd.

    I hope they die tomorrow!!!

  4. I KNEW Spencer looked familiar!!!!!

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