Posted by: thinningtheherd | January 8, 2010

#41 Linkin Park


Species Name:  Obnoxiosius Bansheecus

Just about every hour, sometimes twice an hour, our local rock station here in Los Angeles is hellbent on making people bleed from their ears by broadcasting Linkin Park across airwaves.  If you haven’t had the opportunity to listen to a Linkin Park song you are either very lucky, or you are roommates with Bigfoot in a cave somewhere.  As much as I hate to do this to you all, in order to illustrate my point adequately, I have to give you a taste of Linkin Park:

Well that sucked right?  I mean I don’t get these guys.  Granted I don’t live in the 909, I don’t drive a Ford F150, and I don’t use the word “extreme” as a descriptive adjective so maybe that’s why I have this disconnect with Linkin Park.  If I have to listen to another Linkin Park song where it sounds like Chester Bennington’s testacles are in a vice grip, I’m going to lose my shit.  And Chester Bennington?  That can’t possibly be your real name douchebag.  Who are you?  The proprietor of a cottage inn in the English countryside?  Nothing says rock and roll like the name Chester Bennington.  I’ve waited a long time to thin these fuckfaces from the herd…

In a world where Linkin Park didn’t exist to ruin rock and roll forever:

  • Remember when I said it sounded like Chester Bennington had his testacles in a vice grip?  Well I retort that statement because no one that whiny could possibly have a pair of balls between his legs.
  • We might have been able to avoid the whole “Nu Metal” revolucion de suckitude.
  • Limp Bizkit would be hailed as the most awesome rap-rock group of all time.  God help us all.
  • Bands would be made aware that it’s not okay to make songs that all sound exactly the same.
  • People would realize that just because a band tries to sound “metal,” sometimes they’re just the Backstreet Boys with guitars.
  • White guys would finally come to the conclusion that they are indeed incapable of rapping.
  • There would be no band that would’ve been around to spearhead the emo movement.  How sad…ly awesome.
  • Jay-Z would’ve realized that if he was going to do a mashup, he should do one with a band that doesn’t suck baboon cock.

I’m so sick of bands these days being such whiny, goddamn bitches!  No one cares that some girl broke your heart in 9th grade.  Brush the sand out of your vagina and get over it!  This band sucks the fart out of my butt.  I hope Chester Bennington’s head explodes during a concert from screaming too much and cause the other members of the bands head to explode as well.  Whatever happened to quality music like the J. Geils Band?  Those guys knew how to party…

But one has to have dreams right?

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Responses

  1. Spot on. I was born and raised in the 909 (I know, I know) and I’ve always thought these guys were douches. This band is a gateway drug to meth.

  2. PERSON WHO SAID THIS BAND SUX U HAVE EITHER BEEN A. SHOT. B. CUT. C. BEAT UP OR D. ALL TO THE LEFT

  3. Sorry bro, but you couldn’t be more wrong

  4. U said so much and u make so little sense dude.


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