Posted by: thinningtheherd | December 2, 2009

#34 Anaheim Ducks


Species Name: Foiegrasicus Panzicus

Fuck the Ducks.  I hate everything this team stands for.  And it’s not just because I am a die hard Los Angeles Kings fan.  I hate the fact that Disney thought, “hey you know what would be absolutely fantastic?  Let’s take the rag tag, pee wee hockey team from our hit movie The Mighty Ducks and turn that into a professional hockey team in the NHL!  And you know what else?  We don’t even have to change the logo, we can totally keep the same logo the kids used in the movie because professional atheletes will love wearing this logo on their chest:”

This team is a joke.  Always has been and always will be.   I’m sorry, as much as you try to change your image, you will always be known as the Mighty Ducks of Anaheim in my eyes.  Pussies.  There will undoubtedly be some Ducks fans out there that will say I’m just bitter because the Ducks won a Stanley Cup before the Kings and to that I say, yeah I am, go fuck yourself.  That still doesn’t change the fact that your whole organization is the laughing stock of professional sports.  Even your announcers suck.  They are such fucking homers, they make me want to strangle a puppy.  If my mother called me and told me that Brian Hayward, the Ducks color commentator, was my long lost brother, I would be forced to carry out a murder/suicide, killing Hayward and then myself for the shame of being related to that fuckwad.

In a world where the Anaheim Ducks weren’t around to be the bane of my existence:

  • One of my favorite childhood movies, The Mighty Ducks, wouldn’t elicit the Pavlovian response of me punching a baby in the face every time it’s on TV.
  • Plenty of other, more deserving sports markets may have gotten a franchise over Anaheim.  Somehow I feel like hockey makes more sense in Seattle, Portland, Milwaukee, Hartford, I could go on…but Anaheim, really?
  • The Kings would still have George Parros and his sweet mustache.

  • Hockey fans wouldn’t have had to endure Chris Pronger’s consistently dirty playing in a Ducks jersey.  Prick.

Chris Pronger...the Johnny Lawrence of the NHL.

  • The one sad thing is that we wouldn’t have been able to see Paul Kariya getting his clock cleaned:
  • Everyone would’ve been spared this horrendous jersey…I hope whoever designed this was promptly fired:

  • Children wouldn’t have been scarred for life by watching the Ducks mascot, Wild Wing (lame), go up in flames while trying to jump the “Wall of Fire” during the intermission of a game back in 1995:

I can’t tell you how happy it makes me to see the Ducks in the cellar of the Western Conference.  I’ve had to sit and watch this team of douchebags make the playoffs year after year while the Kings haven’t made the playoffs since 2001-2002.  Well I believe the tide is changing my friends, but nevertheless, I still believe that Al Qaeda should target the Honda Center for a terrorist attack, wiping out the entire Ducks organization and their fans.  Oh wait, Al Qaeda wouldn’t do that because not enough fans attend Duck games…because nobody in the OC gives two shits about hockey.

But one has to have dreams right?

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Responses

  1. “Chris Pronger…the Johnny Lawrence of the NHL” bwahahaha

  2. Ducks won the Cup in 13 seasons. The Kings haven’t won the Cup in their entire 40+ year existence. They couldn’t even get the job done with Wayne Fucking Gretzky on their team. That is pathetic as fuck. Enough said.

  3. Oh, and congrats on the first round exit.

    • Oh, Congrats on not making the playoffs! Douche!

  4. Well said TD, why are guys named Kyle always such toolbags…?

  5. Haha say that to you Kings the last 7 years. What a loser. Hey here’s some cool fun facts for you guys to mull over:

    Ducks

    16 Seasons Played
    Playoffs – 7 Appearances
    Overall Record 53-39 Series Record 11-6
    2 Finals 3 Third Round
    1 Stanley Cup

    Queens

    41 Seasons Played
    Playoffs – 24 Appearances (Far Fewer Teams Competing For Spots In Earlier Years)
    Overall Record 67-109 Playoff Series Record 11-24
    1 Finals 1 Third Round
    0 Stanley Cups

  6. Dammmmmnnnnnn Kyle, those are amazing stats. I had no idea the Kings were so pathetic when compared to the Ducks.

  7. Wow, so the Kings have been in the league for over 40 years and have never even won a Stanley Cup? And the Ducks got it done in only 13 seasons?

    That is impressive. Why are the Kings still a team?

    • Way to go dbags…whatever you have to tell yourself to justify your Ducks not making the playoffs this year. Stop focusing on the past, and look towards the future, and ask your “Not so” Mighty Ducks, “what have you done for me lately?”

      • They’ve won the Goddamn Stanley Cup, that’s what, prick!

  8. Hi my name is Kyle. I’m am a total flamming douchebag! I like to stare at Getzlaf’s shinning bald head while jacking off and pretending I’m gizzing all over it, dream about Bobby Ryan’s cock in my mouth, and what Corey Perry looks like in only his jock!

    Yes it is true, my name is Kyle and I am GAY!

  9. Can you thin Kyle from the herd?

    The fact that he is talking to himself just proves the fact that the ducks suck because their fans are stupid! Dude- your team is named after a disney movie, your stats aren’t THAT impressive, and your team is just getting worse each year since they won the cup! Plus- you want the teams to measure up presently- look at your stats between the two teams this year and you can clearly see who dominates!

  10. Man that is sad. All you guys can do is typical LA trashy insults. You can’t support the Kings in any other way because they have done nothing at all for you guys to be proud of. Shameful.

    Yes, the Ducks were named after a Disney movie but this is hockey, not a Disney movie. I don’t give a fuck. They won a Stanley Cup. What have the Kings done? Jack shit. I would WAYYYYYYYY rather enjoy the unbelieveable euphoria of seeing my team raise the Stanley Cup than be glad my team wasn’t originally owned by Disney. If that’s all you have to defend your team than wow, that’s pretty shitty.

    Besides, that’s the past. They won the Cup AFTER the Disney era so that isn’t even a valid insult.

    @ TD, You’ve only insulted me by pointing out that Ryan Getzlaf, Bobby Ryan, and Corey Perry are on my team. Not sure why you think that is a good insult TD. I guess judging by the Kings roster and lack of success it’s only natural that you think it’s a bad thing to have one of the best scoring lines in the entire hockey league. Weird, but I’ve come to expect that lack of brain power from King’s fans.

    It’s like me trying to make you feel stupid because the Kings have Doughty, who is going to be a great defensemen in this league. Or talking shit on you guys for having Kopitar, who is soo good and one of my favorites in the entire NHL.

    @ thinningtheherd You say not to live in the past and then bring up the tired as hell”Mighty Ducks” joke that you Kings fans always resort to. Hipocrite? Contradicting? Or just stupid?

    @ J9 Thank you for making it obvious that you think the Ducks stats are impressive. That much you’ve made perfectly clear so I thank you on behalf of the organization and it’s fans.

    The Ducks got farther in the playoffs in 09 than in 08 so you are wrong, they have not gotten worse and worse each year. I guess you’re measuring them based on the regular season and not the playoffs. Understandable considering the playoffs are an unusual experience for Kings fan but I consider the playoffs to be far more important than the regular season and a Round 2 exit to be an improvement on the Round 1 exit of the previous year. I assume you just forgot most teams get to play more than 82 games a year because this is your first playoffs since 2002.

    Yes, the Kings were the better team this year. Congratulations. Unfortunately for you, the NHL is more than a year old and the typical person has a memory that stretches farther than the last 8 months. I’m going to assume you guys are Lakers fans and you are still very proud of all the Lakers championships, especially the most recent ones. Yet when it comes to hockey you choose to ignore the past and claim it’s all about the right here right now because that is the only way the Kings will appear better than the Ducks. It’s so weird how the mind of a Kings fan works.

  11. Kyle is right

    He is also the only person talking about hockey that seems to have an IQ over 23.
    If you want to forget the past, then I suggest you forget last season as well. Wow you made the playoffs, once. First round exit, Okay.

    At the end of the day, the REAL SCORE HERE IS
    Ducks 1 Cup Kings JACK SHIT

  12. Play-off tickets: $250.
    Hot dogs and beer: $60
    Parking: $25

    Getting the Stanley Cup before the Kings?

    PRICELESS!!!!

  13. Good one guys! (clap clap) Yes, lets forget about the past and look at the presest… catch tonight’s game?!! yes you have a cup, but obviously your recent performances haven’t been anything worth bragging about.

  14. Hahahahahahahahahahahaha…the Ducks were laughable last night…you guys are in store for a long season with Visnovsky as your #1 defenseman. We had him as our #1 defenseman too…and we didn’t make the playoffs for 7 years during that time.

    There’s a reason why TSN has picked the Kings to finish 5th overall in the NHL, ESPN has picked them to win the Pacific Division and the Ducks to be last…accept it Ducks fans, stop living in the past, and enjoy that rebuild…hey, at least you got Bobby Ryan…

  15. I believe with every bit of my soul that the disney nhl franchise era was a dark one for the ducks. But its not about what they were its about how far they have come. Regardless of that you are a jealous retard who is emotionally constapated that the kings haven’t won the cup once in their miserable 40+ year existence and the ducks have gone to the finals twice and took it home once. You sir need to get over it.

    • Over it! Now go fuck yourself!

    • Oh, one more thing. You Duck fans are always talking about how great your franchise is and all and yes you have accomplished a lot in such a short time; I’m not going to disagree with that at all, but to just keep bring up the fact that we haven’t won the cup and continue to label us as this horrible franchise is just being ignorant!

      It was the Kings that had a owner who gave everthing he had to make the biggest deal in NHL history by getting Gretzky to the Kings! Yea we didn’t win much, but we def (as an organization) changed the game of hockey!

      So, you fuckers wouldn’t even be in existence if it wasn’t for us! Okay, now GO FUCK YOURSELF!

  16. the Mighty Ducks were fuckn sick back then and the ducks are the shit right now its good that the kings and even the sharks fans cry over not winning a cup for all the kings fans out there who want to argue at least the mighty ducks put up a fight in there first final taking the devils to seven and eventually winning a cup in 2007 you guys had gretzky and robitaille and even kurri and could only win one game in the finals and never get close again …… and to sharks fans at least we got to a final let alone two so all your fuckn stupid ass arguments of being owned by disney can keep blowing out your ass because i know where my team stands i know the feeling of having my team win a cup and all u can say is lousy insults on our players such as perr who has 50 goals by the way and getzlaf who is year after year top 5 in assists …. well FUCK OFF and go watch your gay ass kings and keep your mouth shut about the ducks Oh and the kings announcers are FUCKN boring as hell so dont go saying our announcers are boring because everytime i watch your hockey games i feel like im watching a boring ass baseball game your announcers make me want to sleep

    • I don’t even know how to respond to such an inarticulate argument… So, I’m not gonna waste my breath. Deep thoughts from the I.E. I guess…

    • Gretzky played for the Oilers. Learn your hockey shit.

      • Wayne Gretzky also played for the kings. Maybe YOU should learn your hockey shit.

  17. I would reply except, not only did your own douchery call them the mighty ducks (which is stupid and lame enough), but you just got out of these playoffs after losing to Nashville! Who never has made it out of first round… And if my announces were as self promoting as yours I’d be in denial too…YOU LOSE!

    • Go Smashville!

  18. “I’ve had to sit and watch this team of douchebags make the playoffs year after year while the Kings haven’t made the playoffs since 2001-2002.” Oh, boo hoo. Your obviously terrible hockey team can’t make the playoffs, and your least favourite hockey team is way better than yours. Suck it UP!

    • Are you watching the playoffs? The tables have turned. People in SoCal couldn’t give two craps about the Ducks anymore. Not that many ever did. The Kings are going to be the vastly superior team for years to come. GO KINGS GO!

  19. Selanne

  20. ducks fans can go suck a fucking dick, have fun missing the playoffs again

  21. nuff said! Selanne is a beauty!

  22. Your queens suck ! Stop talking shot on my hometown team that has done more for hockey thank your lame fucking team that only has a following because it has a LA in front of it! Yah Disney made a movie and then the team. Get over it. We’ve done more stuff for California hockey than any other team has in Cali. To say we’re a joke is stupid. Took you 44 years to win a fuckong cup!? Don’t forget about your shitty Burger King jersey! Plus your announcers never get stats right one of them looks like alf and can never pronounce the right names. Fuck you and your fucking queens. Be happy I didn’t catch flipping off my arena in my hometown. You better not be living in Orange County or even hanging out here. The last place I would go is LA for any reason. be bitter all you want we are and hve been the better team and always will be!

    • Haha. You’re delusional and clearly know nothing about hockey. Your team is a mess. Enjoy the next decade of mediocrity. And proofread your shit, you dullard.

    • Oh, and nice work with the “queens” jab. No one’s ever made that crack before. Thanks for reading the post!

  23. Talking about how you wish Al-Qaeda would launch a terrorist attack on the Ducks and their fanbase sums up the class of Kings fans to a T. By the way, if you need a reminder of how our ‘next decade of mediocrity’ is going, check the League standings. Dunce.


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