Posted by: thinningtheherd | November 30, 2009

#33 Reality TV Whores


Species Name: Bottomfeedicus Soullessius

This is a group of people I’ve been wanting to thin from the herd from a while. When I started this blog back in September, Reality TV Whores were one of the first group of shitsticks that popped into my head. All I was waiting for was a topical reason to tear them a new one. Then through possible divine intervention, the above blonde dingleberry and her dingleberry husband came into my life.

Tareq and Michaele Salahi, better known as the “White House Party Crashers,” managed to get past the Secret Service into the White House state dinner last Tuesday night. I know that I should be concerned that these two mysterious people managed to shake hands with the President and could’ve been Russian assassins for all anyone knows (I’ve seen a few Bond movies in my day), but the part that really chaps my ass is not the threat to national security these clowns posed, but that they did it as a publicity stunt to try to get casted on “The Real Housewives of Washington D.C.”

A reality show?! A fucking reality show?! Seriously?! Well it’s official, the country is ruined. There’s no righting this ship people. When nobody’s are sneaking into Presidential dinners, not so they can meet the leader of the free world, but with the ulterior motive to help land them on a reality show, we might as well just give up and move to Antarctica, where one can be free of these low life colostomy bags. A reality TV show! The bottom feeders of the entertainment world where you can be on TV without having any discernible talent, or being remotely interesting. Please excuse me while I light myself on fire.

I’m so sick of these reality TV whores stooping to unthinkable lows to appear on a cable show that no one will give two flying fucks about once it goes off the air. You pathetic sacks of shit are so concerned with getting your 15 minutes of fame, you will do whatever it takes, and that is sad…really, really, really sad. This is long overdue for you losers.

In a world where our IQ’s didn’t plummet from the Reality TV Whores plaguing our televisions:

  • Bret Michaels wouldn’t ever be able to fall in love again. Oh wait, yeah he could, he could go out on dates like normal people, and spare himself a gonorrhea outbreak or two.
  • No one would care if you think you could dance or not.
  • That prepubescent fucktard on “Million Dollar Listing,” would continue being obnoxious, just not for all of America to see.
  • Joel McHale would only have soap operas to make fun of on “The Soup”….RICK!!!!!!!!
  • The names Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt would’ve never been uttered on television. Surely that would be heaven on Earth.
  • Tyra Banks would’ve just retired off her millions from modeling instead of feeling the need to tell everyone about her fat ass or dress up in a fat suit on daytime TV. Groundbreaking Tyra, where’s that Peabody Award you so deserve?
  • Anyone involved with the show, “Toddlers and Tiara’s,” would be arrested for prostituting those poor girls.
  • The parents of the spoiled little bitches on “My Super Sweet 16,” would secretly live in shame of their children walking all over them instead of having it on display for the whole world to see.
  • MTV and VH1 would go back to actually showing music videos again.

We’d all be better off if we didn’t have to endure the nonsensical babbling that comes out of these Reality TV Whores mouths. After all, we have enough problems to deal with in our own lives without having to worry about how to keep up with the Kardashians. You’re brain is begging you to turn that shit off, trust me. The truth of the matter is that reality TV is not going anywhere anytime soon, and we even get to look forward to an Octomom reality show, cause we haven’t heard enough about her yet. I can just about guarantee that trainwreck will get it’s own “Thinning the Herd.”

But one has to have dreams right?

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