Posted by: thinningtheherd | October 27, 2009

#22 SAW


saw-billy

Species Name: Repeaticus Sameoldshitius

I should like this franchise.  I mean, it’s essentially about a wacko, named Jigsaw, who kidnaps the shitheads of the world and places them in “tests” that they have to escape out of to stay alive.  Jigsaw is essentially making these people thin themselves from the herd.  It’s pretty brilliant.  And you know what?  I loved the first SAW.  I own it on DVD and consider it to be a very inventive, gory, fun yet disturbing flick with a great twist at the end.  I even gave SAW II a chance, curious to see how they would expand the plot, and that’s where I turned on the franchise.  They didn’t expand the plot at all, the only difference is that Jigsaw has all his “victims” locked in a house.  Lame.  This franchise has gone from creative to outright insulting.  This franchise has gone from creative to outright insulting.  I don’t even fault Lionsgate for continuing to put these movies out.  If people are still dumb enough to go see six of essentially the same movie, that’s their own dumbass fault.  Lionsgate is in the business to make money, and they make buttloads off this franchise.  Well at least they did until this weekend when SAW VI was trounced by Paranormal Activity, an actual fresh take on the horror genre — what a novel fucking concept.  Maybe American movie watching audiences are finally wising up…probably not though.

Frankly SAW, you’ve worn out your welcome, and your constant rehashing of the same story, with new ways to make a person sever their own limbs has become nothing more than gratuitous torture porn.  As an avid horror film fan my whole life, it hurts my heart a little bit, but I feel compelled to thin you from the herd.

In a world where the SAW franchise didn’t exist to induce vomiting in theaters:

  • Cary Elwes career would never have been reinvigorated…oh wait…

saw_05

  • Studios would actually have to produce quality horror films to compete for the Halloween movie season, instead of surrendering in defeat to the mighty SAW franchise.
  • HOSTEL VI would be in theaters right now (I fucking hate you Eli Roth, except in Inglorious Basterds, you were the shit in that, just please stop directing shitty horror movies please.)
Eli Roth-CSH-031515

DOOOOOOOOOUCHE!

  • James Wan and Leigh Whannell, the creators of the SAW franchise, would be waiting tables at The Olive Garden and Chili’s, respectively, instead of being multi-millionaires doing lines of cocaine off of hot model’s asses.
  • Tobin Bell would go back to sitting in his windowless van outside elementary schools.
saw-20061120022623482

Interested in some free candy little girl???

  • Danny Glover’s career would never have been reinvigorated…oh wait…
  • Horror movies would go back to being scary instead of just disgusting.

I wish that the disappointing opening weekend of SAW VI would spell death for the franchise, but because those movies cost six dollars to produce, and they have already started pre-production on SAW VII, the end appears to be far from over.

But one has to have dreams right?

2008_saw_v_001

I'm in a glass case of emotion!

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