Posted by: thinningtheherd | October 21, 2009

#20 Bono


Species Name:  Hypocraticus Selfrighteousius

Uno!  Dos!  Tres!  Go fuck yourself!  I don’t trust any guy who can’t count to the number four in Spanish.  I don’t get Bono or U2.  People are obsessed with this band, hence their staying power over the last thirty years.  I myself never found them all that talented.  For fucks sake, their guitarist was too cool to have a real name and therefore had to deem himself “The Edge.”  What an asshole.  You don’t see Jimmy Page or Keith Richards needing to have some douchey name.  You know why?  Because they’re fucking talented musicians and didn’t have to hide behind a gimmick.  But this post isn’t about U2 per se, it’s about the root of the problem: Bono.

I despise this man, and I probably shouldn’t.  Everyone says, “how can you hate him?  He’s such a great humanitarian.”  He may be a great humanitarian, but the problem I have with Bono is that he wants to rub it in your face every chance he gets.  This smarmy, self-righteous, narcissistic wanker is so proud of himself and his mission to save the world, there is no stage big enough for Bono to scream about it on.  What happened to modesty and dignity?  What happened to silently donating money to good causes?  Bono takes every opportunity to say, “Look how fucking awesome I am.  Why don’t you get off your fat arse and try to be as awesome as me?”  I see Bono’s question, and raise him another question, “If you care so much about the little people and making the world a better place, why the fuck do your fans have to sell their first born to go to one of your concerts?”  I wish Bono’s tinted sunglasses would teleport him to another dimension so I wouldn’t have to see his ugly mug anymore.  In fact, let’s imagine a world without that big headed piss hole.

In a world where everyday would be a “Beautiful Day” because Bono wouldn’t be around to ruin it:

  • We wouldn’t be left asking the question, “Bono, are either of those girls, your wife?”


  • Other bands would see the need to progress in their music, instead of churning out the same bullshit every few years like U2.
  • We would have never been able to see…whatever this is…
  • Men in their 30’s would be left without a band to idolize, and be forced to worship WHAM!
  • Bob Geldof wouldn’t have to worry about Bono calling him every night wanting to know what it’s like being a true humanitarian.
  • The “God complex” would never had been invented with Bono to apply it to.
  • Cowboy hats would only be worn by cowboys.
  • There would never be someone so in love with themselves for the rest of eternity.
  • There would never again be someone who attempts to do so much good, but still comes across as a piece of shit:

Oh, Bono, I hope you’re proud of yourself.  I hope your incessant need to be the most outspoken person in the world on issues that you know nothing about allows you to sleep well at night.  When your legion of fans pays $300 a ticket to see you at the Rose Bowl this weekend, I hope they get treated to an amazing show.  And by an amazing show, I mean that I hope some part of your massive stage setup, collapses on you, covering the first few rows with a little piece of Bono to take home with them.  Instead, we’ll be forced to hear you make the same boring ass shit excuse for music til your larynx gives out.

Sweet mullet...

Sweet mullet...

But one has to have dreams right?



  1. Bono is one famous douchebag!

  2. Social comments and analytics for this post…

    This post was mentioned on Twitter by keybeets: if you’re like me and don’t understand the bono craze… (via @rindonesia)…

  3. I had the pleasure of actually meeting this jackass- he IS really full of himself. He said he owns 500 pairs of sunglasses.

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