Posted by: thinningtheherd | October 6, 2009

#13 Emo Kids


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Species Name: Angsticus Pussifiedus

Wah! My life is so hard! Nobody understands me! I guess I’ll go cut myself while listening to some Fallout Boy! Ugghhh, if only you could hear me groaning right now. There may be no youth rebellion I hate more then the Emo kids. Even generation has their group of kids who don’t want to conform to society. In the 1950’s it was the Greasers. The 60’s had the hippies, the 70’s had the punk rockers, and the 80’s had the metal heads. I could handle all of those because they were sticking a middle finger in society’s face. The Emo kids on the other hand, they’re too big of pussies to stick it to the man, so instead they resort to whining and complaining about how misunderstood they are. Oh please…go fuck yourself. Please stop being a whiny bitch, put on some clothes that actually fit you, ditch the goddamn eye liner, and get a haircut that doesn’t make you look completely androgynous.

What really pisses me off is that they pretend that they want to be left alone, but then they dress up like this:

Hey look, the pussified version of "Stand By Me."

Hey look, the pussified version of "Stand By Me."

If you are really so angst ridden that it drives you to cut yourself, why don’t you do us a favor and move that knife over to your wrists. Maybe I sound like a crotchety old man, but my acting out as a kid consisted of smoking some pot and listening to “Dark Side of the Moon.” Look kids, life isn’t hard right now.  Wait until you have a mortgage and a family to support, then you can start bitching. In the meantime, I’m sick and fucking tired of your incessant bitching and moaning, and now it’s time for you to go.

In a world where you don’t have to worry about your kids turning into one of these Emo losers:

  • Hot Topic would have to resort to hiring migrant workers, because with the Emo kids gone, they would be the only ones willing to work at that House of Angst.
  • Kids would go back to utilizing the vision in both of their eyes.

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  • Crappy bands like My Chemical Romance, Panic at the Disco!, AFI, and Fallout Boy would never have gotten any radio play and thus sparing us their high pitched, whiny screamo excuse for singing.
  • The next generation of adults would not have such low of sperm counts from wearing far too tight jeans.
  • Goth kids could go back to being the lamest subculture in schools across the country. Lets face it, Emo is Goth-lite with a heavier dose of Harry Potter.
  • Kids would realize that its fucking retarded to wear sweaters and scarves in the summertime.
  • Punk music would’ve never have developed it’s vagina that it is Emo punk, and stuck to creating music that told society to go fuck itself. i.e. The Sex Pistols and The Dead Kennedy’s.
  • Kids would not sing along to songs that talk about love lost and heartbreak, because they’re 15 fucking years old and have no idea what love is.
  • Kids would only wear glasses because they actually had astigmatism, not because it was the only way for their tortured soul to see the world.
  • Teachers would have a much easier time distinguishing the boys from the girls in their classes.

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Look kids…suck it up. Nobody gives a flying fuck that you’re “misunderstood.” I’m serious. Absolutely no one. Aww…does that make you sad? Maybe sad enough to drop a hair dryer in the bathtub while listening to Dashboard Confessional? Great go for it, because I have enough problems of my own without having to listen to you sad sacks of shit complain about how hard your upper middle class lifestyle is.

Alas, rather than ridding the world of these wussies, they will only continue to spread like Bubonic plague, cutting their way to adulthood, if society lets them get that far…wah!

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But one has to have dreams right?

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Responses

  1. This is HILARIOUS!

  2. Wow! You sound really really really pissed off, man! I never knew that an Emo could get under your skin so much; however, great points! They all do suck and know one really does give a fuck about their terrible and sad life problems. I especially like the comment about the low sperm count with the clothes they wear not fitting them. Nice! They’re their own form of tranny faggots with the style of clothing they wear, and don’t even realize it.

    I never did understand what their problem with life was, but you have done a great job in explaining it to me. Thank you for the great pictures, especially the “Stand by me” photo, and commentary, Fucking great!

  3. you just talked about how you dont want to listen to someone whine about their life, well i just sat here and wasted 5 minutes of my life thet i will never get back, and with this peice-o-shit, it wasnt worth the waste!!! so how is your life so bad??? did you not get a toy in your happymeal?? seriously, i hate people that just have to hate emo kids, if you hate them so much, ignore them!!! you think you know how thier life, you look at one, and think that their all th same??? you’re WRONG!!! you’re just trying to make yourself feel better by setting a confused teenager into a stereotype, and laugh at and humiliate them!! its stupid, the TRUE emos just want to be left alone, and you cant leave them that much? how bout you go get a life instead of trashing on others, it does everyone a lot better. Don’t be such a hypocrite, shut up, and stop assuming that you have the worst life ever, because guess what? when you do that, you’ve just classified yourself into the stereotype that you just hated on. Learn something!!!

    • Congrats xxXpixieXxx, for one that you managed to work the upper and lower case X’s into your handle…very 1998 of you, and also on your ability to completely misunderstand the purpose of this blog. It’s a hypothetical, humor blog you butthurt dullard…why don’t you relax and go back to cutting yourself you pathetic introvert.

  4. oh wow, this is funny as helll. tehe

  5. well, i get what your saying but tbf not all emo’s are like that, im not emo, but chavs have called me it that much ive just given in because people like you, intentionally or not, have influenced a bunch of young chavs to take the piss out of ’emos’ i mean i get it some just get under my skin, ‘specially the poser-emo’s, the ones who cut themselves and show there cuts to the world, steal sad custom songs + poetry from people (who for whatever reason wrote it) and moan about how bad there life is, even though most live a middle class lifestyle and yet still moan about how their life sucks cos there mum or dad wont lend them that £40 for the jeans they saw at the loacal alternative clothing store. i mean, im ’emo’ (punk actually but dickheads like the chavs dont know anything other than goth and emo, i frequently get asked ”are you a goth?” in there stupid sarcastic voice that makes me wanna stick a razor in there next kebab..if they think im emo, EAT RAZOR YA DICKHEAD! (chav mockery) ..)
    but its not like your gonna change your mind about there being two types of emo, the poser’s that your talking about and the ones who just love to be different with the style, and to be honest you can go fuck yourself if you dont belive me.

  6. dude, you need to shut the fuck up. not only are you making a complete fool of yourself by hating a group of people for doing nothing but being themselves, you’re making really sexist comments. it’s not 1952, dumbfuck, and when you say shit like “pussy”, you look like a total douche. and what makes you think that you were so great because you listened to pink floyd and smoked pot? or do you think that because you can name two punk bands??? big fucking whoop. you’re not impressing anyone. not all emos are whiny and bitchy. in fact, most of them aren’t. have you ever even met an emo? i doubt it. face it, you’re argument sucks, and you sound like a bitch. i’m surprised society has let YOU live this long, considering what an asshole you seem to be.

    • Haha…I love the passion…you little emo kids get really butthurt, really easily, not very hardcore of you. Thanks for reading though.

    • I might not be very funny, but someone who tries to make a serious argument and starts it out, “dude, you need to shut the fuck up…” can never be taken seriously.

      • niether can someone who only knows to bands hates people for who they are and whines

  7. Man… I’m just sittin’ here, TRYING to enjoy some hilarious writing and all these over-sensitive comments are killing my buzz! Some people can’t take a joke and it’s ruining all the jokes!!! Lol.

    ThinningTheHerd: Thanks for making me laugh. Keep ’em coming!

  8. Emo kids are not like tht at all. We hav problems tht we keep inside bc were not pussies. Just think of those lil preppy bitchhes “Omg shes such a slut, thts my bf!” “Omg i broke a nail!”.We talk about real things, nd we listen to those kind of bands bc we like it. We dont care about who you like fucking (rap) or waveing yer hands in the air (pop). We were skinny jeans bc thar pants? Oh bc we were skinny jeans we much be a poser? Fuckk nahh, we were them bc THAR PANTS. Nd we dont lyke tht flarr shyt at the bottem. Not all “scene/emo” kid cut. If they do thts thar own personal shit tht you shouldnt even care bout. We were our hair in our faces? So? Its called a “Bang” nd its sexyy bby.

  9. Dude,Anna i love your response lol u r now my bff jkjk. and wow. People really need to stop with the stereo type shit. its getting pathetic. Im not just talking emo im talking “chavs” preps” jocks” wow… seriously grow up.

  10. thinningtheherd look you may be right to a point but, not about all emo and or gothic’s. i am one and i gave in a while ago due to being beatup stabbed madefunof and steriotyped by all of the olderpeople (adults) i listen to the screemo and all that but a also listen to some pinkfloyed. and for calling us pussys i mean comeon realy… thats just uncalled for i mean realy. i would like to see u take a razor and or knife and cut yourself you would have the balls too. and not all of us in this “generation” wear skinny pants look around its split and go back 20 years they wore skinnier pants then the ones today. o please next time actualy think about what you write. on both ends ours and yours. and have you ever talked to an emo kid before? aparently not. you must not even watch the news do you see all the bullying going on?? honestly we are all just peopel we can only take so much and its our way o cope with it because we DONT bitch about our problems all the time. we keep it inside.

    • Kyle, I respect your feedback greatly. Unlike many of the jackasses who respond to posts on my site, you took the time to create an intelligent, eloquent argument. At the end of the day, my blog is in no way meant to be a condemnation of anyone, but simply satire for entertainment purposes. It saddens me greatly that emo kids are being bullied, and frankly the ones doing the bullying have more of a reason to be thinned in hindsight. Maybe I will make that one of my future posts. I have interacted with emo and gothic kids because, believe it or not, I’m not that old, and even went to school with many of them. However, nothing should ever be taken to the level of violence and its a damn shame that we live in a world where people are assaulted for simply looking different. When all is said and done, my blog is intended to stir up controversy, as well as hopefully make you laugh at some points, but I think it’s important to have these dialogues. Thank you for commenting, Kyle. I wish you the best of luck in life and hope you won’t be afraid to be who you want to be.

      • your saying it saddens you that they get bullied when you have this on here? your simply just some wierd guy on a co puter all day saying you do this and that just to make a random conversation with people by hating on everyone who is better than you


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