Posted by: thinningtheherd | October 1, 2009

#10 The Kardashians


Keeping+Up+Kardashians+Season+Two+Launch+Arrivals+SpG01_HsNKdl

Species Name: Dysfunctionus Realitywhoricus

It’s hard to believe that one family could become famous off a sex tape, a deceased patriarch, and a ex-Olympian stepfather who has one too many botulism injections to his leathery face. Oh who am I kidding, this is the type of family that American television audiences eat up. Either way, the fact is that I’d give just about anything for the Kardashian’s to take an extended family vacation to Hell.

Let’s start with Kim, since she’s the real breadwinner of this clan. Kim burst onto the scene by banging Brandy’s brother and letting the guy film it, because of course there was never a chance he would try to make a few bucks off of it. Well, congratulations Kim, you have become a household name because you’re a whore. You may take your place alongside Paris Hilton and Screech.

kim_kardashian_1_2_3

Let’s move on to Shrek…uh I mean Khloe. Khloe would’ve remained sharing her cave with Gollum if it wasn’t for her sister.  By all accounts that is what she should’ve done so we could’ve been spared a second fucking reality show from this uninteresting family. Next there’s Mother Kris, the epitome of motherhood, trying to whore out her children at every possible chance, all the while being that mom. You know who I mean, the mom who tries to act like she’s cool enough to hang out with her kids and her kids friends. Guess what Kris? Despite your efforts of trying to find the fountain of youth through countless face lifts…you’re still 54, start acting like it.

The rest of the family I don’t have much of a problem with, but unfortunately for you guys, you get to be thinned from the herd by proxy.

In a world where the Kardashians weren’t around to occupy 90% of E!’s programming schedule:

  • Lamar Odom would be forced to find some other troll doll to marry.
Run Lamar!  Run for your life!!!

Run Lamar! Run for your life!!!

  • “For the Love of Ray J” would’ve never happened, because the big wigs at VH1, would never have had the thought, “Hey that guy banged Kim Kardashian, lets give him his own show!
  • Ryan Seacrest would have to find another celebrity trainwreck to base a “reality” show around…oh wait, they all already have shows on E!
  • Bruce Jenner would’ve dodged a bullet by not marrying into the Kardashian family, avoiding life plagued with therapy and suicidal thoughts.
  • The Armenian population would no longer have to live in shame of the Kardashians.
  • Reggie Bush may have actually had a successful career in the NFL without Kim’s voluptuous ass getting in the fucking way.
  • People would be forced to find a show on TV with an actual premise. Hell, even The Hills has a plot…probably cause it’s scripted reality. A whole other topic for another time…
  • Plastic surgeons across Los Angeles will notice a sharp drop in profits, as it takes every plastic surgeon in the city to keep this family “functioning.”

Okay, here’s the plan:  We schedule a fake movie premiere and invite the whole Kardashian clan.  Once they show up, and they will because they’re fucking media whores, we take em out Inglorious Basterds style.  Ah, what a lovely dream.  But alas, this family of pop culture cancers will be around as long as there is a camera they can expose themselves in front of.

But one has to have dreams right?

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Responses

  1. great show… don’t know why i keep watching 🙂

  2. Wouldn’t it be great if all reality stars were forced to move to an isolated island? I’m pretty sure they’d destroy themselves and every piece of fauna on the island.

  3. Now now, let’s be careful of how we bash the word ‘whore.’ Some of us resemble that remark! I have lovingly identified as a whore at times, even though I have a doctoral degree! lol

    • a doctorate in what… suckin c0ck?

  4. this so mean and we cant stop it. OOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMFFFFFFFFFFFFGGGGGGGGGGGGGG~!!!!!!!!!!!!

  5. i couldn’t help but agree.

    “It’s hard to believe that one family could become famous off a sex tape…”

    ha ha ha

  6. thinningtheherd, If you got nothing better to say , don’t say anything at all. KUK is one of the most watched reality shows not only in the moronland aka USA, but also in Australia. They must be doing something right to attract millions of viewers every week.

    • Wouldn’t that also make Australia, Moronland?? I’m not defending the morons in the U.S.A. for watching it, they are indeed morons, I’m just saying, those who live in glass housese shouldn’t throw stones. And they’re not doing anything right, there are just a lot of dumb people in the world who prefer to watch television that doesn’t make them think and instead brings them that much closer to becoming a zombie…

    • Showing flesh gets you there, apparently.

  7. give them a brake they’re just a little queer sometimes it just the kardashian’s natural habitat,,,hahaha
    oh nd they are running out of money,,,so they’ll be broke in bout a year nd den we wnt have 2 deal wit their shyt n.e. more

  8. if you would take a minute to see that these are people and why would you watch them or care if they are so worthless..I don’t show or anything but i won’t wish death on people because i have nothing better to do like your doing …whats wrong with people. you should check your facts buddy because they are not famous because of the sex tape..these are people that have hearts and if you don’t know them keep it to yourself. for Gods sake…gees

    • Wait…so you’re saying they’re famous because they have hearts? Damn it! No wonder I’m not famous!

    • You’re retarded! No wonder they’re famous because of people like you and it’s you who’s killing America, YOU!

  9. I thought these people were the bad guys in STar Trek Deep Space NIne.
    http://doctorbeatnik.wordpress.com/

  10. I give them props. If all the sluts, drunks, and has beens in my family got offered a reality show….I’d definitely stop being ashamed and choose to be rich instead!

  11. An yes…I am aware that this makes me brainwashed and extremely effed up in the head. But attitude is a reflection of leadership…We are only as effed up as our leader.

  12. Yup, they suck. It’s beyond me why anyone cares.

  13. You’re right, the family is disfunctional…but who’s isn’t??

    And I’m pretty jealous that they’ve made it so rich without really doing anything…that takes talent! 😀

    • Um no! It’s not talent, it is stupid people in our society that droll over reality tv that makes them famous! Talent is being able to write funny ass shit about retard families like this! Get it straight!

  14. I don’t have a TV but I see the Romulans oops Kardashians in a lot of blogs. I was wondering what the thing was…a sex tape. Oooh big deal. And reading this post was much fun. I laughed my ass off !

  15. wow

  16. LOL! MAN you’re funny and 100% RIGHT!
    HOW CAN SOMEONE BE FAMOUS OF A SEX TAPE!
    I mean kim is no more than a porn star!

  17. i love this show

  18. Living in Vancouver, Canada I have always been quite curious as to who the K’s are and why anyone needs to keep up with them. I have watched the show a couple of times. Very dull. Someone please explain. Please note, that I very much understand why people cared about Paris Hilton. I also understand why people care about Gene Simmons. The K’s seem to offer absolutely nothing. Even popcorn has more nutrition.

  19. Awww, you’re too harsh. I know I sound cheesy, but these are people too, just trying to make a living (granted a large one, but still). 😉

    http://www.theprettyproject.com

  20. Dayum, you are so friggin’ funny. I FEEL THE SAME WAY. And I cannot tell you how much I RESENT that these idiots have more money than God. UGH.

  21. hi that a nice

  22. veri-veri nice…

  23. http://www.kyanichage.com/?u=180198

  24. I love the Kardashians and I love watching their show..this is entertainment , live with it.

  25. I just loathe Kim Kardashian & Paris Hilton!!! I feel so annoyed that when I think of these bimbos; Even, Profanity seems good!!!

  26. Sooooooo funny.

    You guys here need your own reality show.

    And top marks to ‘LooseFem’.

    J

  27. the whole thing (the show & actors) sucks… to the max…!!!!!

  28. This is how bears!?

  29. I’ve never seen their show, and definitely NEVER plan to watch it, unless my plan for the day is to hate on the world and everything that makes it horrible. THEN, I’ll definitely watch it.

    Anyone wanna bet that the marriage between Odom and Kardashian is broken off within two months? >.>

  30. hi sbaya

  31. Can these people and this show just go away already! Ugh.

  32. My my where are all the hostility coming from? Hate to be the one on this side of the fence but a lot of people in real life has disfunctional family some of them because of divorce or some of them because cannot afford a divorce. Anyway, the only difference of the Kardiashian’s family is they have money. That’s it. I hope you feel good about bashing other people and calling them a whore without really knowing them in person. I guess it feels good makes you feel as if you are better than others. I think if you really don’t like them just ignore them instead of making a blog about their family. Peace!

  33. Hilarious and so true.

    Why do people get famous for such silly stuff. And why is it so hard to stop watching.

    Possibly because we love to watch people be more dysfunctional then we are.

  34. lol!

  35. Wounderfull

  36. You guys are scaring me -if only some would just be a little positive here

  37. The most disturbing thing about this type of television production is that broadcasters bother to make it.

  38. hahaha ohh pop culture

  39. awesome post. i love it!
    ~ C.H.
    Check out our new website! DecibelBlog.com brings you new music and great playlists.

  40. Lamor Rules …

  41. YES!!!!!! SO GLAD you’re filtering them out! I HATE the Kardashians!!!!!!!!


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