Species Name: Digitalicus Assrapeus
I now know how Julius Caesar felt when Brutus stabbed him in the back. Alright, maybe the Shakespearean analogy was a little much, but it doesn’t change the fact that I feel utterly betrayed by Netflix’s pricing plan increase. And apparently I’m not the only one since the company’s stock has plummeted 10% over the last week. Sell! Sell! Sell!
Before I digitally bitchslap Netflix for being King Douchebag of Ye Olde DVD-by-Mail Rental Services, I have to apologize that it’s been a while since I last wrote a post. This is mostly due to the fact that I’ve been too depressed from all the hate mail you’ve been sending me. No, not really. In fact, I kind of grown to love all the scathing comments directed my way. Apparently you’re reading the posts, so I’m doing something right.
Okay, now onto the matter at hand… Netflix. So, a couple of months back, Netflix announced that it would be changing it’s pricing plans. It would no longer be $8.99 for 1 DVD by mail, and unlimited streaming. It was now going to be $8.99 for the 1 DVD by mail, and another $8.99 for the unlimited streaming content. What the fuck?! We’re not talking a 10, 20, 30% increase here. You are doubling the price! What kind of business model is that?! Is it the “I’m gonna bend my loyal customers over a chair and rape them without any lube” business model?
Look, I get it. Streaming content is the wave of the future, and Netflix needs to shift to capitalize on that. And hell, if you were implementing this pricing change for new customers, I would totally be on board. But to do it to your existing customers, it’s like a girl saying that you can take her virginity, and then at the last minute saying that she can’t have sex because she’s on the rag.
In a world where Netflix didn’t exist to digitally dickslap its customers across the face:
- I wouldn’t have had to let my pride get the better of me, leading me to cancel my 1 DVD by mail and keeping only the streaming option.
- As a result, I wouldn’t be forced to get excited about the newest Netflix Instant Releases: Kung Pow: Enter the Fist and Halloween: H20.
- I wouldn’t have to head to 7-11 to rent a REAL new release from the RedBox machine like one of… you people.
- Blockbuster and Hollywood Video would still be relevant commissaries of commerce.
- I wouldn’t be filled with contempt and left to plan how I’m going to firebomb the Netflix headquarters.