Species Name: Zombicus Obliviousnessius
Although they might not resemble the carnival sideshow that are the “People of Walmart,” the “People of Costco” are a breed unto their own. Going to Costco has to be one of the most frustrating life experiences these days because the people there make you want to tear your hair out. Anybody else notice that people in Costco seem to think they’re the only ones in the store? Whether it’s leaving their Hummer-sized shopping carts in the middle of aisles, barreling around corners like they’re Nascar racing, or simply that the senior citizens using ever second of life they have left to get the best deal possible, at the expense of those around them.
Unfortunately, the simple task of wanting to enjoy the world’s most delicious $1.50 hot dog and soda has simply become too much of a chore, and would only be a worthwhile experience again if these “People of Costco” would just expire already.
In a world where the “People of Costco” didn’t exist to stand in the way between you and your Chicken Bake:
- We wouldn’t be left wondering why these “People of Costco” walk around like they just stepped into Jurassic Park for the first time, full of wide-eyed wonder. Yeah asshole, that is a lot of toilet paper, now fucking move it!
- We also wouldn’t be left wondering why some of these people wander around the store like aimless zombies hoping their handing out samples of BRAINS!
- You’d be able to enjoy a mid-day snack of samples without worrying about taking an elbow to the face from a crazy Vietnamese lady on a mission.
- You wouldn’t feel compelled to interject when you see the obese human being on a Rascal, taking up their entire basket with a massively large tub of butter, a 5lb. bag of Doritos and the worlds largest package of Prevacid.
- Waiting in line for gas at Costco wouldn’t feel like the second coming of the 1973 oil crisis:
I don’t what it is about Costco that seems to mentally retardate everyone in that store. Sure, the prices are good, but really only if you absolutely need 8,000 paper plates, which trust me, you don’t. So please, for the love of all that is holy, stop acting like this is some new, mindblowing concept to you. Get your pack of 36 light bulbs, your 72″ Vizio flatscreen, and your 2 gallons of Head and Shoulders, and get the fuck out of the way, so the rest of us can shop too!
But one has to have dreams right?