An example of Yoko's "art"

Species Name: Lunaticus Bandwreckerus

With the recent releases of the remastered Beatles albums and “The Beatles: Rock Band,” it only seems fair to focus on the Japanese banshee witch that broke up, arguably the greatest band of all time.  Now, some people say that Yoko gets a bum wrap, that the writing was already on the wall for the Beatles before she ever came into the picture, blah, blah, blah, cry me a fucking river.  Here’s the deal, the Beatles were a band before Yoko fucking Ono came into John Lennon’s life, and after, they weren’t.

During her reign of terror, Yoko introduced John Lennon to heroin, co-wrote the worst Beatles song of all time, “Revolution 9,” and even felt compelled to give her feedback to the band during recording sessions that no wives or girlfriends were even allowed to be present for.  WTF?!  Who the fuck are you to criticize the motherfucking Beatles?!  Guess what?  If you wanted to make yourself useful, you should’ve jumped in front of Mark David Chapman’s gun.  It would’ve been a win-win.  A music legend gets to go on living, and the world rids itself of Yoko Ono…in fact, let’s “Imagine there’s no Yoko, it’s easy if you try…”

In a world where Yoko Ono wasn’t around to make our ears bleed:

• Spending a week in bed wouldn’t be called avant garde, it’d be called lazy.  Get a job!
• The Beatles would’ve reunited, and a whole new generation would’ve had the opportunity to see the Fab Four play live.  Thanks devil whore.
• Fake Artists, or Fartists, everywhere would still be making shitty art that they think is so fucking meaningful (some things will never change…)
• We all would’ve been spared from…whatever this is…if you can make it all the way through without your head exploding…I commend you.

• War, hunger, racism, and sexism would cease to exist because no one would have to listen to Yoko whine about it anymore.
• We also would’ve been spared from pretentious garbage like this load of fecal matter…if you can make it through this without committing hari kari…I commend you.

• Suicide rates all over the world would drop dramatically because people would have to listen to the tortured guinea pig mating calls that this dirty cooze calls singing.
• Paul McCartney would never have married Heather Mills in a quest to be the Beatle with the most bat shit crazy wife.
• John Lennon would’ve fallen in love with another crazy broad…hopefully she would have had at least a shred of talent though.
• Finally we would’ve been spared from this eye gouging gem…if you can make it through this without wanting to drown a puppy…I commend you.

Based on Exhibit’s A, B, and C, it’s clear that a woman capable of that kind of cacophony, has no place in the world.  And don’t buy the whole “she’s an artist who has never given up on what she believes in” argument.  She’s a glorified trust fund baby who spent the first half of her life living off her family’s money and the second half living off John Lennon’s fortune.  To top it all off, she just publicly admitted to not being familiar with any of the Beatles songs…are you fucking kidding me?!  You couldn’t take time out of your busy, unemployed schedule to listen to a few tracks?  No, of course you couldn’t because you too busy making shitty performance art, shitty music, and a shitty existence.  If only you and all your blind followers would disappear forever.  However, the sad truth is, we’ll all be privy to Yoko’s every move until the day she dies, which will probably be at the long overdue age of 112 years old.  Maybe we can get Mark David Chapman out on parole for a day to finish the job…

One has to have dreams right?

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